Breaking out of Anger

Have you ever wondered what causes anger to rear it’s ugly head so quickly? In our books I have talked about how expectations, self-talk and choices trigger and amplify anger.

Anger is ultimately a physiological and a cognitive response to certain triggers. It’s different for everyone. You might be able to shrug-off some triggers such as – a co-worker not listening to you but, fly into a rage when you can’t get your spouse’s attention.

What you tell yourself or the expectations you hold onto for other people and life goals will impact how you respond to those triggers. You then make the choice to act on the anger you feel.

How can you break out of this? How can you stop the yelling, sarcasm or hidden anger which entangles you in resentment and infects your relationships?
We teach the time-out skill as one of the best methods to stop anger from exploding or imploding.

“But, I don’t want to take a time-out when I feel angry”, you argue, “I want people to understand how they are wrong. I want to be understood. I want to get the problem solved.”

I hear these arguments from students and clients all the time. I can identify with these feelings when I’m experiencing conflict or disappointments.
The important aspect of this skill is that it stops anger from escalating. It stops the physiological fight/flight response we all have when someone or something triggers our anger.

When we take a time-out, we can implement some of the stress management or relaxation skills. During the time-out we can identify what is really happening and write out what we want or need. Maybe during the time-out we’ll discover that what we want is unrealistic or demanding. Or maybe we’ll find out that what we want is reasonable and necessary. Taking a time-out when we feel angry - can help us think through the issues and go back to the other person with one or two requests or with an apology or with some options for working through our differences or misunderstandings.

So, why not take a break when you feel anger rising inside you? A time-out will help you put a check on anger and check out whether it’s valid.

Listen to these podcasts: 4 Q’s to Disarming Anger
and Talk Yourself Out of Anger!

See all of the Quick Tips for Managing Anger podcasts at: www.whatsgoodaboutanger.com/podcasts.xml

Here are some resources to teach you skills for managing your anger: What’s Good About Anger? .
_________________

© copyright 2007 by Lynette J. Hoy, NCC, LCPC. Lynette is a Marriage and Family Counselor with CounselCare Connection and National Certified Counselor. She is the co-author of What’s Good About Anger? and a speaker for community, women’s and church organizations.

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Nurse May Face Charges After Elderly Abuse Allegations

Kansas City

A Shawnee nursing home has fired one of its nurses for elderly abuse, then the home reported him to police on the allegations.

The Sweet Life Nursing Home wasted no time. The employee in question was terminated on Friday, the same day the allegations were made by a co-worker.

Sweet Life cares for 150 elderly patients, many who need full-time care. Police said the fired worker is accused of slapping an 88-year-old man and roughly throwing him into a wheelchair.

On two other occasions the same nurse is accused of pushing an 81-year-old female in the stomach and the next day slapping her with a wash cloth and spraying water into her mouth. A female nurse reported the pattern of abusive behavior to managers who quickly fired the male nurse.

"We take any concerns with our residents very seriously," Executive Director Kim Ellis said. "We have a zero tolerance for any type of abuse, neglect or exploitation of our residents."

The Sweet Life is reporting the suspect's name to the Kansas Department of Aging, that way he'll be on a registry so that if he tries to apply for a job at a different nursing home, he'll automatically be red flagged even if he's never charged with a crime.

"It's my understanding that all nursing homes would check the registry to make sure that all associates do not have that on their file," Ellis said.

Police said elderly abuse can be tough to investigate. In this case, the victims suffer from dementia.

"They're non verbal, they can't express themselves when they are being abused and they may not even be aware of the fact that they're being abused," Ron Copeland with Shawnee Police said.

Detectives and Sweet Life managers said it was critical that another nurse stepped forward.

"They're one of the most vulnerable populations, completely because they rely on others to help make sure that good decisions are being made for them," Ellis said.

The wife of the male victim said she's thankful that Sweet Life acted quickly and charges are possible in this case once the prosecutor gets a look at the information.

Rob Low, FOX 4 News

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HANDLING ANGRY CLIENTS AND FAMILIES

By Carol A. Butler, MS Ed., RNC, for Wellness Reproductions and Publishing, LLC

Do you clench your teeth, tighten your muscles, and bristle when people complain, criticize, or condemn? Join the club! Angry clients and their families, going through the worst of times, often lash out at professionals who choose to help. Enable them to vent feelings, cool down, comply with requests, or resolve conflicts while you remain calm, compassionate, but unwavering when necessary.

Empower versus overpower them with these tips:

Overdose With Agreement

You need not agree with their views. Just validate their feelings. For example, you could say...


"It sure is an upsetting situation for you."
"Yes, it is very difficult for you."
"It does it seem terrible."
Don't try to reason with irate persons. Your goal is to calm, not persuade.

L.E.A.P.S.


Listen
Empathize
Ask Questions
Paraphrase
Summarize
Listening allows them to vent feelings. Have you ever fumed to your friends or family and received well-meant advice? Were you receptive? Initially, angry people want to be heard, not helped.

Empathizing conveys that you understand their concerns. Don't try to change their minds or impose your opinion.

Asking questions elicits their perspective. Avoid "Why...?" which fosters defensiveness. Ask "How...?" to determine their thoughts and feelings. Don't impersonate a detective or a judge!

Paraphrasing proves you've heard and understand. Repeat their concerns in your own words.

Summarizing provides a "snapshot" of the situation, laying the groundwork for later problem-solving.

Behavior Begets Behavior

Be calm, compassionate and respectful and your clients may model your behavior. Apologize for their inconvenience. Explain what you can do to help. Don't verbally attack the people or defend the institution, staff, laws, or yourself. Defensiveness appears argumentative and adds fuel to the fire. Ignore sarcasm or questions challenging your position or policies and redirect attention to the issues.

Spatial Relationships

Proxemics

Provide them extra personal space. Be approximately their leg's length away versus "toe to toe" or "in their face." Position yourself near a door, but allow them access to exit. Don't corner yourself or anyone else.

Body Language

Don't literally look down at them. Be at their eye level, stooping near the bed, sitting across from or standing at an angle, facing slightly sideways, palms up. Avoid authoritative stances with hands on hips or arms crossed.

Break Barriers

Unless you fear physical violence, do not sit behind a desk or stand behind a counter. Move to their side of the obstacle and, ideally, seek an area within earshot of help but away from an audience.

Paraverbal Communication

Tone, volume and cadence matter more than content as people escalate. Although we would not be making the following (defensive) remark, it illustrates how accentuating one word changes the message. Read the following statement aloud, emphasizing only the word in bold:

"I didn't call you stupid." (implies someone else called you stupid)
"I didn't call you stupid." (denies the accusation)
"I didn't call you stupid." (implies you really are stupid versus being called stupid)
"I didn't call you stupid." (implies I called someone else stupid)
"I didn't call you stupid." (implies I called you something worse)

Avoid Escalation Enhancers

Don't command, criticize, threaten, preach, placate, analyze, advise, debate, degrade, blame, lecture, label, stereotype, minimize, interrupt, use sarcasm, misuse humor, half-listen, tune out or try to be right. Don't "should" on them!

Expect Anger

Avoid taking it personally! Don't be unnerved by their crying or offended by profanity. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance relate to the grief and loss associated with mental illness and/or substance abuse. Remember the person who is mad at the boss and kicks the cat? To clients and families upset with the disease, the doctor, law enforcement, the system, or whatever, you're the cat!

Tip Of The Iceberg

Angry words represent the tip of the iceberg...understand the underlying layers: fears of abandonment, loss of face, loss of control over a situation, sadness, guilt, and other factors. The current stressor may be the last straw on the overburdened camel's back.

Ignorance Is Not Bliss

Fear of the unknown generates anger. A lack of education, cultural or language barriers, and illiteracy can compound a client's frustration. Even highly educated people experience cognitive deficits during crises. Concisely communicate only what they need to know now.

Conflict Resolution

Here are some techniques to resolve your conflicts with clients:


Clear the air: "We need to talk."
Take time out: "Lets calm down for ten minutes, then meet."
Set ground rules: "No threats or violence...only mutual respect."
Listen first: "Please tell me your view."
Summarize their perspective: "You feel...you think...you're upset about..."
Share your information: "The policy states...the procedure is..."
Provide options: "You may resolve it at this level or talk with the supervisor or file a grievance report..."
Brainstorm solutions: "Let's think of all the possibilities."
Compromise: "Let's meet halfway."
If all else fails, agree to disagree!

Assertion As Needed

If there is no room for compromise and your client must comply for safety's sake, use these techniques:


Make simple requests
Just say "no"
Be a broken record -- calmly, in one or two brief sentences, repeat your request or response each time they argue
Speak in positives
Repeat alternatives
Hot Versus Cold Threats

Hot threats are made in the heat of anger and pose immediate danger: "If you come closer I'll punch you out!" Cold threats are cunning, calculated efforts to control: "I'll get you fired!" or "When I get out of this program you better watch your back!" or "Don't take your eyes off your kids!" They pose future danger.

When dealing with hot threats, talk "down" escalating situations by calming the client down with the methods previously addressed.

When facing cold threats, talking them "up" is imperative for safety. People making cold threats use your traits or personal information against you. They comment about your appearance, sexual preference, age, family, or other sensitive issues or convey knowledge about the kind of car you drive, your children's school or your address. They often threaten via notes or phones. They thrive on secrecy. You must talk "up" to colleagues about the threats, despite embarrassment or fear. You and at least one coworker must confront the manipulation and discuss better ways to solve the problem. When necessary, report threats to the police, Child Protective Services or other agencies, and utilize restraining orders (and stalking laws if available).

Safety First


Intervene early at the first signs of escalation. Don't think that if you ignore them they'll go away!
Keep others away from angry people.
Alert staff members and security guards to be close by.
Avoid appearing to gang up on someone, but if necessary, a show of numbers usually fosters compliance.

Only one person should verbally direct the agitated person. However, additional staff provide support by their presence.
Allow angry people time and space.

Remember "fight or flight," and allow them a graceful way out.

Train staff members how to manage assaults for times when physical containment is required.

Realize that people with frightening hallucinations, paranoid delusions, and/or who are under the influence of substances, usually are not receptive to verbal de-escalation. Medication and special interventions may be required.

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Anger In Home Affects Children

Dr. Tony Fiore-The Anger Coach

In a recent letter to “Dear Abby,” a distraught woman wrote that her Asian husband recently lost a great deal of money in the stock market resulting in “…the negativity in our house is so bad that even our kids don’t want to be in the same room as their father. I have considered divorce, but it’s not easily accepted in my culture, and I am afraid of being on my own.”

Continuing, she says ….”I have tried everything — offering to help him, be there for him, trying to appease him, giving him his space, etc. There is no relationship left.”

“…He was always arrogant, difficult to get along with and had a temper — but now it has gone from bad to worse. I don’t know what to do anymore.”

This sad letter illustates several things that we have often heard from our anger management clients:

1. The emotional cost of anger is high, especially in terms of how it affects the children and partners. The angry sullen person often sets the “emotional tone” of the house which affects all family members. Loss of affection and/or alienation of children is difficult to recover from.

2. The angry person must decide to change himself/herself. There are many resources of anger management that would help, including therapy, medication (for some cases), and anger management classes, but they usually only work when the angry person is motivated to change.

Anger management is a self-improvement process. Those who benefit the most recognize the damage their anger is doing to themselves and people they love, and want to do something about it!

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Daybreak Counseling Service provides anger managment on Decision House

Daybreak Counseling Service provides anger management classes and one one one anger management coaching for those struggling with stress and rage. The following video features Tracy James an anger coach sent by Daybreak Counseling Service to provide anger management for a resident on the My Network TV show Decision House.



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Addressing Anti Social Behavior in anger management classes

Evidence Based principals in the field of criminal justice is a fairly new development. Probation departments, courts and prison institutions across the globe are coming into alignment. After years of Meta Analysis authorities are coming to the conclusion that a systematic deployment of proven rehabilitation principles must be adopted.

In an effort to manage anger, Daybreak Counseling Service addresses eight major risk factors for clients who participate in aggressive and violent acts.

1. Antisocial Attitudes
2. Antisocial Peers
3. Antisocial Personality
4. History of antisocial behavior
5. Family
6. Education/Employment
7. Substance Abuse

Antisocial attitudes have been found to be a barrier to effective anger management. For many clients aggression and violence supports their value system. If clients are not challenged to adopt prosocial attitudes clients may exit an anger management class as better communicators. They may learn the ability to manage stress and identify emotions but they will most often add these new skills to their arsenal of antisocial behavior.

While teaching effective anger management techniques anger management instructors should ensure that the environment is supportive of change. Those clients who voice anti social opinions should be immediately challenged and redirected.

Anger Management instructors should be attentive listeners in an effort to identify pro-criminal or antisocial attitudes, values and beliefs in their clients. Anti-social attitudes can be explored and challenged through the use of motivational interviewing.

Antisocial attitudes may be obvious if the client expresses the following:

Pride in delinquent behavior
Close association with anti social peers
An enormous disdain for the law, law enforcement and the criminal justice system
Justification for criminal activity

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Adolescent Anger Management Stratergies

Adolescent anger management is becoming more prominent in our society. Traditionally, children who enter this last acute phase of bodily and mental development can go through some rough times. As kids enter their preteen and then their teenage years, chaos can ensue at times for everyone involved. A child or young adult may feel that his or her body and mind are out of control occasionally, and the parents and teachers who supervise children at this age may tend to agree. Anger can spring out of nowhere to challenge innocent requests and reasonable expectations. Yet kids between the age of twelve and sixteen sometimes react in unpredictable ways, surprising those around them and even themselves and requiring the intervention of adolescent anger management strategies.

Todays teens face even greater pressures than those of the past. By age eighteen, most have witnessed thousands of murders on television and video games. Some are involved in violent or illegal gang activity. Others come from broken homes where domestic violence and substance abuse are the norm. By the time they start going through puberty, their entire existence may seem out of their control, and they may grow increasingly enraged, acting out their anger in antisocial ways that require adolescent anger management.

Adolescent Anger Management and Juvenile Delinquents

Sadly, many teens experience frustrations that drive them to vent anger toward people or things, breaking civil laws. This type of behavior often leads to incarceration, or at the very least, intervention by parents, teachers, law enforcement officials, and juvenile experts who attempt to train children how to respond in age-appropriate ways. Adolescent anger management programs teach kids individually or in peer groups how to identify negative feelings, work through them in the right kind of ways, seek help when needed, and practice more mature behaviors.

During periods of time spent at juvenile detention centers, teens involved in adolescent anger management programs can learn how to improve their behavior in socially acceptable ways. Therapists can help to point out alternative attitudes and behaviors to teens who have never seen positive responses to everyday irritations modeled for them by responsible adults. They may be able to learn directly from the therapist how to manage difficult feelings, and they can read resource materials or visit websites like anger-management-information.com (site is not complete yet) for more information about this condition, and how to address it. They will find others like themselves who are learning how to get along with people and accept the situations that cannot be changed.

Community Adolescent Anger Management Programs

If you have or work with a teenager that is struggling with angry outbursts and a poor attitude, get in touch with a teacher or psychologist at your childs school or a community social services organization that can direct you to self-help resources or a local adolescent anger management group that might be willing to admit your child. Letting unresolved anger fester or continue to be displayed in dangerous ways can lead to serious consequences. Get your teen the help that is needed for coping with this behavioral disorder.

Steve Hill discusses adolescent anger management. Learn how to live without anger in your or your familys life. Read more informative anger management articles and information at: http://www.anger-management-information.com anger management advice Steve also has a website at: stuttering treatments

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Escalation of Girl Fights

The term "'b**** fighting" is what some women privately call a pier room brawl that a pack of girls or young women engage in with one another. The term and the behavior is loathsome and offensive. But it was that sort of brawl that claimed the life of 23-year-old Shontae Blanche, and even more shockingly, her 7 month unborn child. The young expectant mother and part time student was killed when another young woman allegedly ran over her and dragged her.

Blanche had tried to break up a fight between a dozen women at a service station in South Los Angeles in early November. The women were young, "Black," and reportedly some had ties with gang members. They had gathered at the station to battle it out following a dispute between two of the women.

The altercation did more than claim the life of a young mother. It tossed the ugly glare on an age old problem that has grown worse in the past few years. And that's the escalation in violence by and among young women.

A decade ago the Center for Women's Policy Studies published a landmark study on girls and violence. More than one third of girls they surveyed said that they had engaged in physical fights within a year's time. Nearly 20 percent said they carried weapons.

And nearly half said they believed that girls were nearly as violent as boys. A Justice Department study found that from the mid-1980s to the mid-1990s the number of women jailed for violent crimes had more than doubled.

A decade later the willingness of more young women, especially black women, to resort to fisticuffs and even weapons to settle disputes or commit crimes has become an even bigger problem.

Girls Inc., a non profit advocacy group that monitors violence by and toward young women, found that far more black girls were injured in school fights than white girls.

The spiraling cycle of violence that entraps many black girls was on naked and tormenting display last year when nine black girls were hauled into a Long Beach, California court in shackles.

The girls were charged with a violent hate crime attack on three young white women on Halloween night in 2006 in Long Beach.

The sight of so many girls standing trial at one time on a charge, especially the hate crimes charge, was rare. But the sight of so many black girls in a court docket and increasingly in America's juvenile jails and prisons has become anything but rare.

"Black Women" in some states are being "imprisoned" at "alarming rates." And they are being jailed at younger ages than ever. An American Bar Association study in 2001 found that teen girls account for more than one-quarter of the juvenile arrests.

They are charged with more violent crimes, and are being shoved back into detention centers after release, in some cases even faster than boys.

The ABA has not done a follow-up study since then to determine if there's been any change in the troubling dilemma so many black girls face in the juvenile system. But, almost certainly, the high arrest and incarceration rate for black teen girls is likely the same if not greater today, and many of them are there for violent crimes.

They have engaged in physical fights and assaults, and even school yard brawls with other girls, or even boys.

The explanations for the up tick in female violence are varied. The near glorification of the male code of toughness to get ahead in business, politics, and sport has virtually been enshrined as a prized virtue in society. Women have not been immune from it.

There's the bloat of Gladiator spectacles such as WWF matches with women tossing each other around in a ring, posturing, swaggering, and cussing like drunken sailors, and barroom toughs. The toughness virtue has even slipped into politics. In polls, women by big margins said the thing they admire most about Hillary Clinton is her toughness.

Many young black women are continually exposed to violence in their communities. They have ties with male gang members, they themselves are members of gangs, or they have committed assaults.

The Center for Women's Policy Studies also found that many of the women that engaged in physical fights have been victims of rape, assault, or robbery.

This further imprints the tacit stamp that violence is the pervasive method to control, dominate, bully, and gain advantage over people and situations.

There's a double dilemma for the girls and young women that commit violent acts. The risk is great that they can be maimed, killed or wind up serving a long prison stretch.

And since violence is still thought of almost exclusively as a male preserve, there's a near total absence of studies on the causes and consequences of female violence.

That means even fewer fewer resources, programs and support outlets to keep at-risk girls and young women out of harm's way and from harming other women. The "Blanche Killing" is tragic proof of that.

Earl Ofari Hutchinson is an author and political analyst. His new book is The Latino Challenge to Black America: Towards a Conversation between African-Americans and Hispanics (Middle Passage Press and Hispanic Economics New York).

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Do you have trouble shutting your mouth when angry?

"Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret." If you answered yes to the title question I am sure you have realized the truth in this quote by Ambrose Bierce. In order to gain control over your tongue you must be determined to see things differently. People who lose their temper tend to view life in a negative and judgmental way. You have the ability to direct your mind away from angry and upset feelings. You need to realize that you can have peace of mind instead of conflict.

This article will cover a variety of mindsets and behaviors that will teach you how to keep your mouth shut when you are angry.

1) Be quick to listen and slow to speak. Remember that you have two ears and only one mouth. Use them in this proportion. It's better to be a good listener than to be a good speaker. Listen carefully to what the other person has to say. Take your time before giving them an answer.
2) Don't be double minded. You can't have peace of mind and conflict at the same time. Be clearly focused on the outcome that you want. (Example: "I want to go to bed tonight feeling close to my partner.").
3) You can't be right and be married. You have to decide "Do you want to be right or do you want to be married?" Trying to be right will destroy the connection between you. Instead, strive to do the right thing.
4) Don't jump to conclusions. Slow down and think through the situation.
5) Don't say the first thing that comes into your head. I often hear people say, "I cannot keep from saying the thoughts I have." You can and you must.
6) As I was writing this, my daughter reminded me of Thumper's quote in the movie, "Bambi". "If you can't say something nice…don't say nothing at all." This is always good advice.
7) Don't overreact to criticism. Beneath the criticism is an underlying message. Criticism is a smoke screen for deeper feelings. I compare criticism to cheese on a mousetrap. What happens when the mouse takes the cheese? He gets his tail caught in the trap. That's what happens when you take the bait of criticism. Don't take the bait. Listen for the underlying message.
8) Stay away from negative thoughts and statements like, "I hate this!" "This is driving me crazy!" "I can't stand this!" These types of statements are like throwing gasoline on a fire. You are making it much more intense. Replace these with positive declarations such as "I can handle this." "This is not that big of a deal." "I have unshakeable peace of mind." "Nothing bothers me." Your thoughts will direct your emotions. Choose positive thoughts that help you keep your peace.
9) If someone uses absolute terms like "always", "never", "everybody", and "nobody"; don't take them literally. These are emotional terms. If your wife says "You never take me anywhere." and you know that's not true; don't take it as a personal attack. Try and hear her underlying request that she needs to know she is special and she wants to spend some time with you.
10) Don't overreact and don't give advice too quickly. This only trains people not to be open with you.
11) Don't try to get in the last word. It's not worth the damage you could do by trying to win or be heard.
12) If you are angry repeat this scripture based verse in your head, "In all things be self controlled." Say it over and over so that you don't get derailed into an argument.
13) There is life and death in the spoken word. Make sure your words build people up versus tearing them down.
14) Remember to breathe. Stick with the basics. When you are upset, take a few deep breaths.
15) Strive to use an approach that promotes honor and respect. This can make the difference between a twenty minute argument and a 3 day war.
16) Realize that your anger most likely is not going to help solve the problem and may actually make the matter worse.
17) Calmness will help you get to the heart of the matter. This leads to conflict resolution. Trying to be right or show your might will lead to conflict.
18) Staying connected is more important than making your point.

The only one who is responsible for the way your life works out is you. You cannot change the past, but you can take responsibility for your future. All it takes is a decision. Decide to live a life of discipline rather than one of regret. Remember that discipline weighs ounces and regret weighs tons. Develop the power of a tamed tongue.


Author's Bio

Mark Webb is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in private practice at South Georgia Psychiatric and Counseling Center in Valdosta. He is the author of How To Be A Great Partner. Read more of his articles at http://www.TheRelationshipSpecialist.com
Sign up for his free newsletter at http://www.PowerfulRelationshipAdvice.com



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Anger Management vs. Incarceration

A recent ruling and sentencing by a Long Beach Juvenile Superior Court has a community in outrage.

Nine African-American juveniles were convicted of assaulting 3 white women on Halloween 2006. Prosecutors made attempts to label the altercation as a brutal hate crime.

The juveniles remained in custody for approximately 3 months and were recently released on probation. The juveniles were sentenced to 60 days home detention, 250 hours of community service and undergo anger management classes.

The victims of the assault were angered as they anticipated a harsher sentence.

The juvenile court is built on the premise that rehabilitation is favored over punishment when working with youth. The courts ruling substantiates the effectiveness of Anger Management Classes.

Juvenile courts as well as adult courts rely on anger management classes as a rehabilitation tool. Effective anger management education centers, such as Daybreak Counseling Service provide an alternative to long prison terms for violent offenders. Such practices are beneficial to the offenders and cost effective to city governments, as housing offenders can be a taxing to financially strained counties.

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Police officer ordered to anger management classes after shooting

HOUSTON (Map, News) - An off-duty Pasadena police officer who shot at a man in a road rage incident earlier this year was placed on probation and ordered to attend anger management classes Wednesday.

A jury found Marcus Justin Kacz guilty of deadly conduct. Visiting Judge Jim Larkin sentenced Kacz to 18 months probation for the misdemeanor. In addition to anger management classes, Kacz was fined $400, ordered to do community service and to undergo random urine tests.

"I think you made a big mistake and showed bad judgment," Larkin told Kacz.

Prosecutors said Kacz, 26, chased a driver who cut him off. Kacz, who was not in uniform, shot at a passenger in the sport utility vehicle at least three times.

Defense attorney Greg Cagle said Kacz followed the sport utility vehicle because the driver was running red lights and driving dangerously.

"I'm disappointed with the verdict, but he's a young, smart guy and we'll appeal it," Cagle said in a story for Wednesday's online edition of the Houston Chronicle.

Sgt. W.J. Fojt testified that it is against Pasadena Police Department policy for off-duty officers to pursue suspects.

"The evidence was against him," Michael Dannenbaum, jury foreman, told the newspaper. "He did not discharge the firearm to protect himself, and Pasadena's policy prohibits off-duty officers from pursuing chases."

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The consequences of Anger

Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.
–Ambrose Bierce

Anger and the ATM

At the time I am writing this post, the average anger management class is going to cost you between $600 and $2500. In addition to court fees most courts will order 12-52 weeks of anger management. This adds up to hours of sitting in class, time away from your family, time away from your job - as you may know time is money.

You may be saying to yourself, “Well my anger has not caused me any problems with the court or the police.” My response to you is “not yet.”

Denise was born and raised in Italy. She and her family moved to the United States when she was thirteen. She found adjustment to her new California lifestyle challenging. Denise felt as if she just did not fit in. Part of her difficulty was due to her slow absorption of the English language. During her high school years, she developed the habit of not expressing herself. She felt that if she voiced her opinions or her thoughts she would either be ridiculed or considered unintelligent because of her broken English. For years she kept her thoughts and emotions inside.

Now at twenty-one Denise spoke fluent English with little to no accent. She was a petite girl, 5’2 and no more than 105 pounds. She had long brown hair that she pulled into a ponytail. Tanned and toned, she entered my office in a fitted Jennifer Lopez sweat-suit. She had obviously assimilated to the L.A. culture. Although beautiful she still retained a quiet rural innocence.

Denise was a student at a local college when she found herself in a disagreeable and eventually costly position. If you have ever attended a major college you can understand how difficult and frustrating it is to find a parking space. Imagine that you’re late for class, and your building is halfway across the campus. Well the parking Gods smiled on Denise that day. As she pulled into the parking lot she slipped into a cozy outlined space waiting for her. With some time to spare, Denise applied her lip-gloss. She was using her rearview mirror when she noticed a meter maid joyfully detailing cars with parking tickets. As she watched for a while she noticed a trend. The meter maid only appeared to ticket students of races and nationalities not kin to her own. She felt confused and a little angry, but who was she to get involved, it was none of her business. Denise sucked it in and went to class.

The next day she witnessed the same thing. The exact same meter made appeared to be targeting and ticketing every student expect the ones of her own race. This time Denise was enraged. Why this is America! How could someone be allowed to continue such a discriminating act? She decided to speak her mind. Fuelled with the passion of injustice, Denise approached the meter maid. She explained how the meter maid’s actions were a violation of the student’s civic rights. She appealed to her since of equality. After all the meter maid was an African-American female. She could certainly relate to the sting of prejudice. Denise thought to herself, “Doesn’t she know about the women’s suffrage movement, the struggle of Dr. King and the NAACP?” Obviously, the meter maid did not know of Dr. King’s the struggle or did not care, because she promptly called campus police and had Denise arrested for obstructing the duties of a public officer.

Denise made bail at the price of $5000. She retained a lawyer at $250 an hour and was granted probation by the court, which charged her $290 in court fees. She is currently serving a three- year probation sentence and pays $100 a month to the probation department. By the time Denise completes her probation she would have made several trips to the ATM and paid close to $13,000 or more.

Believe it or not, the financial loss is the least destructive consequence of anger. In fact when we speak of “person centered aggression”, it is the cost to the victim that supersedes any financial loss. Let us take a look at how anger can destroy the lives of others around you.

Shannon Munford M.A.
Daybreak Counseling Service
www.daybreakservices.com
http://www.linkedin.com/in/angryinla
http://myspace.com/angermanagementeacher
310-995-1202

Temper Temper

Written By Daniel Steele
Baltimore Sun

This was a great weekend for anger-management trainers, and a bad one for proponents of such virtues as self-control and professionalism. Milton Bradley (in a tandem with umpire Eric Winters) and DeAngelo Hall seemed a little touchy. Oklahoma State football coach Mike Gundy, who we'll discuss in a subsequent post, took it to another level.

* The Padres are probably going to miss the playoffs because of what went down among Bradley, Winters, manager Bud Black and first base coach Bobby Meacham. Has a player-umpire confrontation ever done so much damage? The only one that comes to mind is the Roberto Alomar spitting incident, and that damaged Alomar's image more than anything. It didn't affect the pennant race; the Orioles already were locked into a playoff berth (which tells you how long ago it happened). It's interesting to note, though, that both the Alomar case and the blow-up in San Diego involve allegations of umpire name-calling. It's just as interesting that the reaction by fans and others has been that no matter what vile thing Winters is accused of saying to Bradley (Meacham, the coach, backed up Bradley's story), it's all Bradley's fault for taking the alleged bait, a textbook case of the victim's reputation preceding him. If Bradley is Ron Artest, then Winters appears to be a combination of Ben Wallace and the fan who threw the cup.

Meanwhile, manager Bud Black has to be a basket case by now. He was only doing his job, trying to keep his player from bum-rushing the ump and getting suspended -- and he ends up wrenching the guy's knee. It's a miracle, actually, that it hasn't happened more often, the way some players and coaches have to be restrained sometimes -- and how often umps keep arguments going long after they should have ended. OK, it's another one of those dumb baseball traditions, umpires and managers/players going eye-to-eye and saliva gland-to-saliva gland. But it's completely unacceptable from both sides in every other sport known to man -- and thus, there are no other incidents that come to mind of someone blowing out an ACL arguing with an ump.

Bottom line: Bradley should get a refund for the anger-management classes he took a few years ago; Winters, the ump, should sign up for some of his own, and Black should work on his footwork and leverage for next time he's wrestling one of his own players.

* If what DeAngelo Hall did on Sunday in Atlanta when his Falcons lost to Carolina has ever been matched -- he was personally responsible for 67 penalty yards on one possession, including two personal fouls -- I beg you to let me know here. And it happened to be on the drive on which Carolina tied the game and never looked back. Plus, all the penalties were against wideout Steve Smith, and the last one was, basically, for running his mouth too much after the play was over -- a third-down play that was about to force Carolina to try a long field goal, but instead kept the drive alive.

And, as Smith himself described the so-called "trash talk,'' "They were real minute ... just real immature stuff.'' Take his word for it, he's an expert in the field.

Now, talking stuff per se is not a problem, especially if it's good stuff and a player can back it up. Hall usually scores on both counts. He was, in fact, backing it up against Smith that day, until that drive. Then, a 37-yard interference call. Then a cheap shot on Smith at the line of scrimmage away from the ball. Then the mouthing off to Smith as he left the field.

Now, new coach Bobby Petrino plans to discipline Hall, and he hashed out ideas with his veterans, which tells you that it isn't just Petrino who's mad about this. Hall buried his own teammates by getting caught up in some stupid personal feud that could have been settled by a bunch of pithy quotes in the locker room after the game.

Bottom line: looks like the Falcons didn't get all the poison out of their locker room when Michael Vick was sent up the river.

Daybreak Counseling Service
www.daybreakservices.com
http://www.linkedin.com/in/angryinla
http://myspace.com/angermanagementeacher
310-995-1202

Anger Management Classes-Daybreak Counseling Service

Daybreak Counseling Service provides quality anger management classes, anger management courses and anger management executive coaching. Classes are taught by Masters level professional in a non-judgemental enviroment. Anger Management classes are available to adults, adolescents, couples. Seminars are available for corporations and goverment agencies.




www.daybreakservices.com
http://www.linkedin.com/in/angryinla
http://myspace.com/angermanagementeacher
310-995-1202

Lava Flow-The Anger Management Game 1.0

I am proud to announce that Daybreak Counseling Service has added a unique weapon to its arsenal against anger.

Lava Flow-The Anger Management Game was launced yesterday. This new Flash Quiz game is designed to help clients learn more about anger management education.

Lava Flow- The Anger Management Game is the first in the line of many interactive teaching tools that will be introduced by Daybreak Counseling Service. Although our first game may not be state of the art virtual muliti-player game play we feel it is a good start to a great future.

PLAY LAVA FLOW NOW


Daybreak Counseling Service
Shannon Munford M.A.
www.daybreakservices.com
http://www.linkedin.com/in/angryinla
http://myspace.com/angermanagementeacher
310-995-1202

Media Frenzy for Anger Management Information

Anderson & Anderson Certified Anger Management are being inundated by print, television and radio personalities for appearances and interviews. George Anderson and Shannon Munford were featured in a front page article in the Daily Breeze Newspaper which appeared on Labor Day.

A therapist from Shannon’s company will appear on the premiere episode of the “Decision House” TV show on My Network TV Channel 13 at 8 p.m. Wednesday. During the episode, the counselor works with a feuding couple.

Carlos Todd was interviewed on Sept. 6, by the local CBS affiliate in Charlotte, North Carolina. Several weeks ago, he was interviewed for an article which appeared in the local news paper.

Colbert Williams, whose practice is based in Lancaster, CA. has appeared on a local talk show, interviewed for an upcoming CNN segment on anger management and was the subject of a newspaper article on workplace anger.

Gregory Kyles was contacted during the last week by the Montel Williams show.

George Anderson has been contacted by The Tyra Banks Show, Dr. Phil, MTV, ESPN, Toronto Star and the Today Show. Currently, a sitcom is in the works based on the Anderson & Anderson anger management practice.

All of this media interest and coverage is increasing the public’s awareness of anger management in general and the Anderson & Anderson model in particular.

George Anderson, MSW, BCD
www.andersonservices.com

Taking office rage into the ring

DAVID ANDREATTA
September 3, 2007

WHEN CO-WORKERS ATTACK: REALITY TV SHOW UNLEASHES WORKPLACE AGGRESSION

If the caustic title of the e-mail, "You Are Worthless," was not enough to make the information technology worker on the receiving end look over his shoulder, perhaps its venomous substance did.

"I hope some day the rest of the office sees you for the small . . . pathetic IT loser you are and beats you within an inch of your life in the parking lot," read the message sent through annoyingcoworker.net, an online service that allows workers exasperated with colleagues to confront them with anonymous e-mails.

Verbal outbursts, furtive acts of cubicle sabotage and spontaneous destruction of furniture abound in the modern workplace. The office rage has even extended into cyberspace, spawning online forums where workers detail their gripes with the gum-snapping in the next pod.

Now a New York-based film production company is looking to tap the unbridled vitriol of pencil pushers everywhere for a reality television show that would pit adversarial co-workers against each other in full-on fisticuffs.

The brainchild of Red Line Films, Office Fight would have colleagues agree to train for two weeks with a professional pugilist and ultimately duke out their differences over three rounds in their office or a gym. The company is now soliciting volunteers for a pilot.

A recent stroll around the financial district in Toronto, perhaps the citadel of office culture in Canada, revealed no apparent shortage of repressed aggression bursting from the buttoned-up collars on Bay Street.

"Oh, I could think of a few people right now that I'd like to fight," said Mark, 26, an impeccably groomed law student who inhaled a Players outside his corporate law office recently with the edgy enthusiasm of a man on the brink of a breakdown.

For three months he has been articling at the firm, which, along with his last name, he asked not be published for fear of recrimination. Pushy partners and associates were working him to the bone, he said. But it was the constant tink, tink, tink of fingernails being clipped in their offices that was pushing Mark overboard.

"Just seeing them every day at this point is enough to make me want to fight them," he said. "I mean, cutting your fingernails in the office? It's disgusting!"

Two blocks north, nail clippers could offer a welcome respite from the tap, tap, tap that 31-year-old insurance adjuster Adam said he endures day in and day out at the hands of a female colleague with overgrown and intricately decorated nails.

"Give me the clippers, I'll cut them myself," said Adam, who works for a major insurance firm and asked that his last name and the name of his company not be printed. "I wouldn't fight her over it because she's a girl, but there are days I'd like to pull them out with a pair of pliers."

Workplace horror stories are as common as a filched sandwich from the lunchroom refrigerator.

There is the know-it-all colleague who suffers from smartest-person-in-the-room syndrome; the overbearing boss whose criticism is as gentle as Leona Helmsley, and the gossip so vicious a sixth-grade girl is tame by comparison.

Despite the irritation, 54 per cent of respondents in an online survey conducted last year by truejobs.com said they had never considered confronting their tormentor.

Workers tend to keep their grievances with others bottled up because they fear a backlash and because they believe their gripes won't be taken seriously, said Kevin Kelloway, a professor of management at Saint Mary's University in Nova Scotia.

"Most of us don't have the option of leaving our job, and if we confront someone and it goes wrong, you're going to have to live with it every day," Dr. Kelloway said. "The most likely reaction is that a supervisor will tell you to grow up and deal with it."

Over the years, he has heard countless instances of workplace violence, from the underling who threatened colleagues with a hunting knife to a subordinate defecating in his boss's car. He said that by far the most common complaint is that a co-worker isn't pulling his or her weight.

The inclination to avoid confrontation has given rise to a host of websites that provide a forum for workers to gripe.

Annoyingcoworker.net is loaded with hostile ("You are pathetic ... and everybody hates you") and at times humorous ("When you eat onions for lunch your breath smells like baby poo ...") e-mails sent through the site to recipients unaware of their irksome ways.

At another site, disgruntledworkforce.com, people shielded by the anonymity of the Internet rant without consequences about their "pointless meetings" and their "lazy, disgusting co-workers."

Some people, however, take their anger public.

A 2006 survey of about 2,900 workers in the United States found that 41 per cent reported experiencing some form of psychological aggression, including being threatened or having obscenities shouted at them. Six per cent said they were victims of physical violence.

In Canada, about 1,000 violent incidents a day are reported in the workplace, according to Statistics Canada, although the vast majority are in professions that deal directly with the public, such as driving a bus or taxi.

Aaron Schat, an assistant professor of organizational behaviour at McMaster University who worked on the U.S. poll, sees what he calls "covert aggression" like spreading rumours as being particularly damaging to workplace peace.

"People tend to complain to other people and just seethe and that's not healthy either," Dr. Schat said. "Confrontation can be useful and good, but it really does depend on the nature of the issue and the type of confrontation."

Bullies at work

On a day intended to give labourers across the country an escape from the stress of work, millions are fretting about returning to their jobs because of a workplace bully, a recent survey suggests.

Nearly half of all workers in the United States reported having suffered or witnessed workplace bullying such as verbal insults, job sabotage and abuse of authority, according to a Zogby Interactive poll conducted for the Workplace Bullying Institute.

The survey found that 37 per cent of workers are currently being pushed around or have been bullied by a colleague at some point in their lifetime, and 40 per cent of those people said harassment had pushed them to quit in the past.

"It's clearly a silent epidemic," said Gary Namie, director of the institute, a non-profit organization based in Washington State seeking to eradicate workplace aggression.

Forty per cent of victims reported never complaining about the bullying, while 62 per cent said notifying their boss had resulted either in no change in the behaviour or an escalation of it. Perhaps that is because bosses were identified as the culprits in nearly three-quarters of bullying cases.

Women reported being victimized more than men - 57 per cent to 43 per cent - and said their aggressors were far more likely to be other women. Aggression perpetrated by men was inflicted almost evenly on men and women.

The online poll surveyed 7,740 workers across the United States in August.

Daybreak Counseling Service
www.daybreakservices.com
http://www.linkedin.com/in/angryinla
http://myspace.com/angermanagementteacher
310-995-1202

Anger Management gone wrong!

We all have a tendency to loathe certain media personalities. Its not that we hate the celeberty or politician its the fact that we have to see them on our televisions and computer screens 25 hours a day and 8 days a week.

If we really think about it we know that these iconic figures are just people like me and you. Well I found several online anger management games that do not allow you to do much thinking at all.

These games are designed to mulitlate or maim some of the public figure we love to hate. But be warned some of these game can get pretty graphic.

http://atdpweb.soe.berkeley.edu/2130/kliu/anger.html

If you really want to learn how to manage your anger visit www.daybreakservices.com and play Lava Flow-The Anger Management Game

www.daybreakservices.com
http://www.linkedin.com/in/angryinla

NFL cracks down on disruptive palyers

After a year of leading the sports world in criminal accusations and conviction the NFL is making an attempt to crack down and better educate disruptive players.

In his first year as commissioner, Roger Goodell has instituted very tough discipline tougher policy. In addition the National Footabll League is making efforts to educate their employees by adding a Conduct Management Program of eight mandatory one-hour seminars for rookies as well as any veterans referred by the league office. The NFL has chosen experts to conduct sessions on, among other things, stress and time management; anger management; impulse control; and decision making.

Daybreak Counseling Service
www.daybreakservices.com
http://www.linkedin.com/in/angryinla
http://angerarchive.blogspot.com
310-995-1202

Decision House

Imagine a marriage in turmoil, husbands swinging bats and wives hurling insults multilply that by five and there you have Decision House.

Decision House is a syndicated My network TV reality show that asks Judge Toler and a panel of experts to “help couples on the brink of disaster tackle issues ranging from financial hardships to infidelity.”

The crucible of each episode is a three-day immersion in nonstop surveillance and counseling at a place called “Decision House,” where 27 cameras follow the couple.After three days, the panel issues a verdict on whether the couple should stick it out or get a divorce.

Daybreak Counseling Service a Los Angeles based Anger Mangement Education Center has been asked to intervene between a feuding couple.

Stay Tuned

www.daybreakservices.com
http://www.linkedin.com/in/angryinla
http://angerarchive.blogspot.com

How to teach anger management to your child

Most of us recognize the continuing escalation of violence around us, due to intolerance, and many of us blame it on somebody else. Parents teach their children, all the time, and when one of us displays “road rage,” while our child is in the car, we teach a brand new skill set.

Although, road rage is inappropriate behavior, at any time, and can get you killed, most children who are exposed to it, will duplicate the actions of their parents, when they are old enough to drive.

So the first step, is to set an example and, possibly, use some of these ideas, for yourself. Studies show that anger causes atherosclerosis, the build-up of plaques in the arteries, that is a major factor in developing high blood pressure, heart disease, heart attack, and premature death.

Also, during a temper tantrum, adrenaline and blood pressure levels rise beyond normal. This behavior is more dangerous to parents bodies due to the normal wear and tear already existing.

Now, you may be convinced that anger can kill you, but let’s look at one more factor. You could hurt someone else, find yourself in prison, or get yourself killed due to inciting violence against others. There are other people, who are having difficulty dealing with anger management too.

Back to our children: All children need exercise and they are naturally full of energy. Look at any other species, and you will see the same behavior.
Should we drug our dogs, cats, and parrots, when they display youthful exuberance?

Children have to run, jump, and shout. So let them play in the back yard, in a park, and get them involved in sports, Yoga, dance, or martial arts. You will never regret letting your child enjoy life, constructively learn in the process, and just be a kid.

For all of us, there is a time to be quiet and a time to shout. Children need years to learn this, so let’s keep them active in the process. Keep them away from the television, Internet, and video games, except for “rainy days.”
Coloring books, board games, and reading are also good activities for rainy days.

A heavy bag is a great tool for letting anger out. You and your child can use it together. You can learn to punch and kick it, for the aerobic benefits, as well.
If you have a friend who is a boxer or martial artist, you could get some pointers. After just a 20-minute session, I guarantee you, and your child, will have dealt with anger - there will be little, if any, left.

Teach your child forgiveness, through your own example. I am not asking you to let people walk all over you. However, let grudges go; life is really too short to keep a feud going.

You can also control your child’s “circle of friends,” just by getting him or her involved in, group activities such as: League sports, dance, yoga, or martial arts. The parents who have their children in these activities want the best for them and are willing to sacrifice their time, or money, to get it.

This will keep your child busy, happy, and active, with a pre-selected crowd of friends, who have parents that care. This is a “win – win” situation and well worth the investment.

This is not to say that every child you run into, at these functions, will be perfect, but in the above mentioned activities, all of them are structured, adult-supervised, and rules for behavior are in place. This form of organization becomes a habit, your child will follow these guidelines, and bring them home.

Here is another idea that will help. Have your child take care of a pet or a plant, every day. Children love to care for animals or plants, but they still need supervision. The result of this will be, your child learns compassion.

Compassion will keep anger “in check” every time.


Article Source: http://www.articledashboard.com



Paul Jerard, is a co-owner and the director of Yoga teacher training at: Aura Wellness Center, in North Providence, RI. He has been a certified Master Yoga teacher since 1995. He is a master instructor of martial arts, with multiple Black Belts, four martial arts teaching credentials, and was recently inducted into the USA Martial Arts Hall of Fame. He teaches Yoga, martial arts, and fitness to children, adults, and seniors in the greater Providence area. Recently he wrote: Is Running a Yoga Business Right for You? For Yoga students, who may be considering a new career as a Yoga teacher. www.yoga-teacher-training.org/index.html

Why are healthy boundaries an essential part of anger management?

By Devora Donohoo

Healthy boundaries allow a person limitations and guidelines to live their life by. The idea that love is unconditional, throughout whatever hardship or trial, is a fairy-tale fantasy and is unfortunately an unhealthy way to approach relationships. Self-preservation within a relationship, basically providing a balance between separateness and togetherness, is what relationship experts agree is the key to a long-lasting relationship. In simple words, this means that a person withholds their own identity within the relationship, including their values, standards, and expectations. A person with healthy boundaries will have values that they will not compromise regardless of the situation.

Again, how does this relate to anger management? For example, if a person sets a boundary that aggression, name-calling, degrading remarks, and other forms of abuse is unacceptable and will not be tolerated, they will hold that standard in a relationship. By openly expressing a person’s boundaries early in the relationship, their partner is able to clearly know what is acceptable and what is unacceptable. Communication will help prevent feelings of resentment and possible underlying anger.

The bottom line is abuse, whether it be physical, verbal or emotional, is unacceptable in any form and should not have a part in a relationship. If you commit to that boundary of never allowing aggression or degrading remarks in your relationship, you will help preserve yourself and your relationship.

Devora Donohoo M.A. is a certified anger management instructor and teaches anger management classes at Daybreak Counseling service.

www.daybreakservices.com
http://www.linkedin.com/in/angryinla
http://angerarchive.blogspot.com
310-995-1202

Anger Management for Couples

Anger Managment for Couples is a growing sub-niche within the field of anger management education. Many couples are becoming frustrated by the passive approach offered by traditional marriage counselors. Some of the comments made by couples struggling with anger and rage in their relationships are,

“Our old therapist just listend”

“We are tired of talking we need tools”

“Can your give us something practical?”

In essance what these couples are saying is “we are not looking for couples counseling or marriage therapy we are looking for anger mangement.”

An anger management class is a skills based training. Anger Managemenet classes systematically focus on building communcation skills, improving emotional intelligence, teaching stress management and limiting verbal and physical aggression.

The skills learned in a couples anger management course will not only enhance a romantic relationship but it will produce benefits within a career and assist in dealings with difficult friends and family members.

www.daybreakservices.com
http://angerarchive.blogspot.com
http://www.linkedin.com/in/angryinla

Learning how to control your anger.

If your outbursts, rages or bullying are negatively affecting relationships with family, friends, co-workers and even complete strangers, it’s time to change the way you express your anger. You can take steps on your own to improve your anger management.

Anger Management Tips

Here are some anger management tips to help get your anger under control:


Take a ‘‘time out.” Although it may seem cliche, counting to 10 before reacting, or leaving the situation altogether, really can defuse your temper.
Do something physically exerting. Physical activity can provide an outlet for your emotions, especially if you’re about to erupt. Go for a brisk walk or a run, swim, lift weights or shoot baskets.
Find ways to calm and soothe yourself. Practice deep-breathing exercises, visualize a relaxing scene, or repeat a calming word or phrase to yourself, such as ‘‘take it easy.” You can also listen to music, paint, journal or do yoga.
Once you’re calm, express your anger as soon as possible so that you aren’t left stewing. If you simply can’t express your anger in a controlled manner to the person who angered you, try talking to a family member, friend, counselor or another trusted person.
Think carefully before you say anything so that you don’t end up saying something you’ll regret. Write a script and rehearse it so that you can stick to the issues.
Work with the person who angered you to identify solutions to the situation.
Use ‘‘I” statements when describing the problem to avoid criticizing or placing blame. For instance, say ‘‘I’m upset you didn’t help with the housework this evening,” instead of, ‘‘You should have helped with the housework.” To do otherwise will likely upset the other person and escalate tensions.
Don’t hold a grudge. Forgive the other person. It’s unrealistic to expect everyone to behave exactly as you want.
Use humor to release tensions, such as imagining yourself or the other person in silly situations. Don’t use sarcasm, though — it’s just another form of unhealthy expression.
Keep an anger log to identify the kinds of situations that set you off and to monitor your reactions.
Practice relaxation skills. Learning skills to relax and de-stress can also help control your temper when it may flare up.
Sticking with anger management skills

It may take some time and intense effort to put these tips into practice when you’re facing situations that typically send you into a rage. In the heat of the moment, it can be hard to remember your coping strategies.

You may need to keep something with you that serves as a reminder to step back from the situation and get your anger under control. For instance, you may want to keep a small, smooth stone in your pocket or a scrap of paper with your tips written down. With due diligence, these anger management techniques will come more naturally and you’ll no longer need such reminders.

Getting professional anger management help

You can practice many of these anger management strategies on your own. But if your anger seems out of control, is hurting your relationships or has escalated into violence, you may benefit from seeing a psychotherapist or an anger management professional. Role playing in controlled situations, such as anger management classes, can help you practice your techniques.

Anger Management Partnering for Success

In many small businesses as well as mental health/specialty practices, the key person tends to be narrowly focused on one or two clinical practice areas. Few solo practitioners are business savvy and some are not comfortable in marketing in his or her area of specialization. This is especially true in the, emerging niche market of anger management/executive coaching primarily because of the newness of this area of specialization.



This places anger management small business providers at a distinct disadvantage in pursuing contracts with professional sports as well as business and industry to provide workplace anger management programs, consultation and coaching.



An Exciting New Promising Trend



Recently, Anderson & Anderson embarked on a new venture designed to partner with providers whose backgrounds, interests and contacts have the potential of expanding contracting opportunities in a wide range of areas out of reach to most solo practitioners.



Colbert Williams, the CEO of Executive Life Coaching of Lancaster, Ca. teamed up with Anderson & Anderson to pursue a contract with the National Football League. The two organizations are now preparing a proposal for a contract with Municipal Transportation Agencies throughout California .



Tom Wentz and Jim Merritt are principals of Community Care located in Palm Springs , California . Tom is a Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology and an expert in substance abuse intervention and a Certified Anger Management Facilitator in the Anderson & Anderson Curriculum. Jim Merritt is a retired Major League Baseball Pitcher who played with the Los Angeles Dodgers and the Minnesota Twins Jim is also a substance abuse counselor as well as a Certified Anderson & Anderson Anger Management Facilitator.



Community Care and Anderson & Anderson are actively working to secure contracts with all of the Major League Baseball Teams for anger management, executive coaching and organizational training.



While we are not prepared to announce any contracts from these efforts at this time, we can report that our preliminary proposals are paying off and we hope to announce specific contracts relative the above in the very near future.



If you are interested in Partnering with Anderson & Anderson, contact George Anderson at 310-207-3591.



George Anderson, MSW, BCD, CAMF, CEAP



www.andersonservices.com

www.anger-management-resource.org

www.aaamp.org

www.angertrends.blogspot.com

A Biblical View of verbal abuse

A Biblical Perspective of Verbal Abuse

By Alicia

The Bible clearly warns us about the dangers of an angry man. Proverbs 22:24 says, "Do not associate with a man given to anger; or go with a hot-tempered man." And Proverbs 29:22 says, "An angry man stirs up strife, and a hot-tempered man abounds in transgression."

It is not God's will for you (or your friend) to be in a verbally abusive relationship. Those angry and critical words will destroy your confidence and self-esteem. Being submissive in a marriage relationship (Ephesians 5:22) does not mean allowing yourself to be verbally beaten by your partner. 1 Peter 3:1 does teach that wives, by being submissive to their husbands, may win them to Christ by their behavior. But it does not teach that they must allow themselves to be verbally or physically abused.

Here are some key biblical principles. First, know that God loves you. The Bible teaches, "The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." (Psalm 34:18)

Second, deal with your feelings of guilt. You may be feeling that the problems in your marriage are your fault. "If only I would do better, he wouldn't be so angry with me." The Bible teaches in Psalm 51:6 that "Surely You desire truth in the inner parts; You teach me wisdom in the inmost place." Even though you may have feelings of guilt, you may not be the guilty party. I would recommend you read my article on the subject of false guilt.{5}

A related issue is shame. You may feel that something is wrong with you. You may feel that you are a bad person. Psalms 139:14 says, "I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well."

Finally, you should realize that you can be free from being a victim and agree with God that you can be free. 2 Corinthians 3:17 says, "Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom."

A key element in this area of verbal abuse will no doubt be confrontation of the abuser. It's important for you to realize that confrontation is a biblical principle. Jesus taught about this in Matthew 18:15-20. I would recommend that you seek help from a pastor or counselor. But I would also recommend that you gather godly men and women together who can lovingly confront the person who is verbally abusing you. Their goal should be to break through his denial and lovingly restore him with a spirit of gentleness (Galatians 6:1).

Verbal abuse is a difficult emotional problem, but there is hope if the abuser is willing to confront his sin and get help.

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http://angerarchive.blogspot.com

Getting a grip through Anger Management

By Jodi Hawkins, Southern Health Contributor


Will Rogers once said, "People who fly into a rage always make a bad landing." Haven't we all been there at some point? It's human nature to make mistakes and who would be truly living without making their share?

But for many, living with excessive anger is one mistake that repeats itself constantly whether it's justified or not. If that anger isn't managed properly it can lead to declining health, the ending of relationships, and even legal disasters.


Fortunately, those who see red a little too often, can clear up their fuming outlook through anger management. It can literally calm that inner storm and help people live more peacefully in spite of circumstances, beliefs, or learned behaviors.

Lucas Parrish of Marion understands the importance of anger management first hand. With the help of the Franklin-Williamson Human Services Family Violence Intervention Program (FVIP), he's made some great strides in keeping his anger in check.

Parrish, 24, completed the FVIP last year after being court-ordered to attend. Though he didn't really want to be involved in the 26-week program at first, his view of the experience changed as time passed.

"In the beginning, I felt like I was jumping through hoops just to get it over with," Parrish says. "Then, as I kept going, I actually started taking things from it and learning. I learned how to deal with certain situations that angered or upset me. It taught me how to walk away."

He admits that his anger stemmed mainly from having a problem with authority figures. "I tend to stand firm. I'll stand my ground whether I'm wrong or right. Most of the time, I was wrong. But, to me, I was always right no matter what."

Parish says there are often misconceptions about why people are forced into anger management. "Everybody always thinks you beat up your girlfriend or something like that. But not everybody's in there for that reason. It's a lot of different things."

Parrish recalls seeing other people come to one or two sessions and never returning, even though they were also required to complete the program. But by staying in it for the long haul, he's found that talking things out in the group sessions really helps.

"I had a counselor once who called it 'collecting stamps.' If you collect stamps and keep putting them in a bag, eventually the bag gets full and bursts open," Parrish says. "That's the way I always was. I would bottle everything up and then finally blow up. Now I just talk about it."

How angry is too angry?

Since anger is a natural emotion, some may wonder how to decide if they even need anger management. "It's hard to differentiate how much anger is going to be problematic and how much is okay," says Beth Morrison, adult counseling services therapist from Southern Illinois Regional Social Services (SIRSS) in Carbondale.

It all boils down to whether or not the anger gets in the way of their everyday lives, Morrison says. For example, has it impacted their jobs or caused problems in their relationships? If so, then it may be time to seek help.

Joyce A. Griffin, PhD, LCPC, NCC, has taught anger management classes at Rend Lake College in Ina. Griffin, who also provides counseling though her private practice in West Frankfort, says it's not always a particular trigger that causes people to easily lose their tempers, but possibly an impulse control problem.

There are certain things to look for when assessing someone's anger issues. "You want to know if this is a life circumstance that they're going through like the breakup of a marriage, the infidelity of a mate, or if there's a clinically significant diagnosis related to it, such as Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) or Bi-polar disorder," Griffin says.

Anger induced health problems

Research has linked chronic (long-term) anger to health issues such as high blood pressure, headaches, skin disorders and digestive problems. Anger can also be associated with problems like crime, emotional and physical abuse, and other violent behavior.

"Doctors have reported that one of the highest risk factors for heart disease is having a chronic, ongoing anger or irritability type of syndrome where the person is mad about everything almost all of the time," says Larry Knopp, clinical therapist from Jefferson County Comprehensive Services in Mt. Vernon. "That leads to a lot of adrenaline in your system."

In fact, numerous studies suggest that it's those same fluctuations of adrenaline that lead to most anger-induced health problems.

Self harmers

Research indicates that many teenagers who begin to feel extreme anger will turn to self harm as a way to relieve tension. There are some common things that self harmers do, such as chewing on the insides of their mouths, burning themselves with cigarettes, and especially, cutting themselves.

While many people assume that self harmers are actually trying to commit suicide, that's not necessarily true. "Self harming is not a suicide gesture," says Mike Rohling, youth & family intervention manager at SIRSS. "It's really an inadequate coping mechanism."

Rohling notes that many of the kids he counsels for anger issues tend to take a lot of risks, which can put them into even more dangerous physical situations.

Types of treatment

Anger management is conducted in sessions for individuals and/or groups. Many participants will experience both throughout the course of their treatment.

"I think group actually works quite well," Knopp says. "That's what the members tell me too, because they can hear the stories of other people and what they've gone through. In the group, they're also encouraged to help each other with problem solving."

Most anger management programs will initially assess each participant to determine the magnitude and root cause of his or her anger. That's especially important when unmanaged anger has led one to become physically aggressive.

April Scales is the co-facilitator of the Alternatives to Violence (ATV) Program, designed for male perpetrators who have had an encounter of domestic violence against an intimate partner and have been referred to the program either by a court system, through orders of protection, or any other social service agency.

"You have to break down your understanding of where the abuse was derived from," Scales says. She also looks for specific things during her assessments. Was it something that they witnessed as children? Was it something that they felt was necessary to keep their partners obedient? What was the purpose of the abuse? Because abuse is usually a way of getting an immediate response, she says.

The ATV program is held in Marion and Harrisburg. Putting emphasis on the abuser's accountability and responsibility, it prohibits group members from blaming the victims of their abusive episodes.

Members are charged a sliding scale fee to attend the 26-week program. However, once they've completed the course they are allowed and encouraged to return as often as they feel is necessary, free of charge. This "maintenance" practice includes group or individual counseling sessions much like the original program.

Support is everyone's business

With so many damaging effects of unmanaged anger it should be easy to see why having strong support systems available is so important, especially to younger generations. Yet, many of the people in favor of supporting this cause aren't always willing or able to take action.

"As much as our society and our government say 'kids are our future,' I really don't think we back that up," notes Megan Devenport, youth and family counselor at SIRSS.

In a world of increasing deficits and decreasing state and federal funding, it's far from easy to accommodate the needs of programs such as these. However, those needs continue to grow whether help comes or not.

That's why Rohling hopes that people will contact their legislators and remind them how much this affects everyone. He explains that not helping kids with such severe problems could cause them to end up unemployable.

"These are people that are going to suck up tax dollars," he says. "If we take tax users and turn them into tax payers, it's worth the money."



Tips to control your temper

When your anger has a negative impact on your relationships, it may be time to find a better way of expressing it. The Mayo Clinic offers the following advice to get your anger under control:

• Take a "time out." Count to 10 before reacting or leave the situation altogether.

• Do something physically exerting. Physical activity can provide an outlet for your emotions, especially if you're about to erupt. Go for a walk or a run, swim, lift weights or shoot baskets, for example.

• Find ways to calm and soothe yourself. Practice deep-breathing exercises, visualize a relaxing scene, or repeat a calming word or phrase to yourself, such as "take it easy." You can also listen to music, paint, write in your journal or do yoga.

• Express your anger as soon as possible so that you aren't left stewing. If you can't express your anger in a controlled manner to the person who angered you, try talking to a family member, friend, counselor or another trusted person.

• Think carefully before you say anything so that you don't end up saying something you'll regret.

• Work with the person who angered you to identify solutions to the situation.

• Use "I" statements when describing the problem to avoid criticizing or placing blame. For instance, say "I'm upset you didn't help with the housework this evening," instead of, "You should have helped with the housework." To do otherwise will likely upset the other person and escalate tensions.

• Don't hold a grudge. Forgive the other person. It's unrealistic to expect everyone to behave exactly as you want.

• Use humor to defuse your anger, such as imagining yourself or the other person in silly situations. Don't use sarcasm, though - it's just another form of unhealthy expression.

• Keep an anger log to identify the kinds of situations that set you off and to monitor your reactions.

You can practice many of these strategies on your own. But if your anger seems out of control, is hurting your relationships or has escalated into violence, you may benefit from seeing a psychotherapist or an anger management professional. Role playing in controlled situations, such as anger management classes, can help you practice your techniques.

Excerpt of success

Learning to manage anger that was once out of control is certainly impressive. Nothing demonstrates that kind of success better than the words and actions of those who continue to apply what they learn through anger management.

In a program release statement excerpt written by a prior Alternatives to Violence (ATV) participant, co-facilitator, April Scales reads, "One very important thing I have learned is to recognize the warning signs of my anger building towards a potentially violent episode."

"By being able to identify these things, I'm better able to deal with conflict and react in a calm, non-violent way. I'm able to prepare myself ahead of time for high stress situations and avoid any potential conflict."

"Another important thing I've learned is that control is an unhealthy behavior. I know I cannot and should not control another person. Control creates stress, which leads to conflict and, in turn, can end in violence. Not trying to control someone else or allowing myself to be controlled makes for a much happier, healthier relationship."

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Friday, June 29, 2007

By Jonathan D. Silver and Rich Lord, Pittsburgh Post-Gazette

A police sergeant's June 18 promotion came three months after he was sent to anger management training and a supervisor recommended that his contact with the public be minimized.

Police leadership yesterday said that now-Sgt. Eugene F. Hlavac completed the training but was never removed from contact with the public and that the measure shouldn't have precluded his promotion.

"When they go to anger management, and get some sort of counseling, that's taken into consideration," Police Chief Nate Harper said. "If he would have continued to have anger issues, it would definitely be taken into consideration" in the promotion decision -- but he didn't.

Sgt. Hlavac's promotion is one of three that have sparked concern that was heard yesterday during a two-hour City Council public hearing. He and new Cmdr. George Trosky and Lt. Charles Rodriguez have all faced charges of verbal or violent domestic abuse.

The promotions are "appalling. They're insulting to the citizens of Pittsburgh," said Jeanne Clark, a member of the state board of the National Organization for Women and a Squirrel Hill resident. She was among 150 people at the hearing, including Chief Harper. Mayor Luke Ravenstahl did not attend.

"Clearly the police brass has no idea about the impact and the law regarding domestic violence," she said. "It kills women. It kills men."

Chief Harper listened to the two dozen speakers, then said he did not regret the promotions, instead faulting a public tendency to "accuse people" of things that have not been proved, adding that "the public has the right to their opinion."

Police officials have said that Sgt. Hlavac's domestic problems have been verbal, not violent.

A police report on a Jan. 3 incident states that Sgt. Raymond Hutton was called to the East Liberty apartment shared by Sgt. Hlavac and Lauren Maughan at 1:40 a.m.

Ms. Maughan told Sgt. Hutton that Sgt. Hlavac pulled her hair, hauled her from a bed and grabbed her wrist, according to the report. She was uninjured, but her left wrist and the back of her neck were red.

Sgt. Hlavac told Sgt. Hutton that he grabbed her wrist in self-defense when she hit him while holding a cell phone, and did not grab her hair, just her pillow.

On March 22, Sgt. Hlavac's supervisor at the time, Lt. Philip Dacey, said he witnessed an argument at the apartment, but there was no physical contact.

The next day, Sgt. Hlavac's boss, Zone 5 Cmdr. RaShall Brackney, recommended he be removed from active duty, undergo counseling and that his contact with the public be minimized when he returned.

The paperwork went to Assistant Chief William Bochter and Deputy Chief Paul Donaldson, both of whom signed off on the memo without comment.

Deputy Chief Donaldson said Sgt. Hlavac complied with the order to attend three days of anger management counseling.

"We never took him out of contact with the public," Chief Harper said. "We sent him to Zone 2" in the Hill District, where, the chief acknowledged, there is frequent contact with the public.

Chief Harper said there has been no decision on whether to reverse the promotions, which would involve demoting the men. Nor has the administration settled on any changes to promotion rules, which the mayor has said lack clear guidance on when an officer who is in line for a higher post can be passed over.

Fraternal Order of Police leadership has said the union will sue if the promotions are reversed or civil service rules altered.

"The issue isn't going away, and the FOP is not the only group that can sue," Ms. Clark warned at the hearing.

Shirl Regan, executive director of the Women's Center and Shelter of Greater Pittsburgh, asked that the city adopt a domestic violence policy that would affect promotions and require that the Allegheny County district attorney investigate all abuse calls to police officers' homes. She called for "immediate in-service training to all city police officers," and said the bureau should buy digital cameras for all squad cars so that officers can gather evidence on domestic violence cases.

Charles Hanlon, recording secretary for the FOP, was one of a few who spoke on behalf of the officers. He said the men were "promoted on just causes. ... These three men have just been accused. They have not been convicted."

Mr. Ravenstahl has said that he did not know of the issues involving Sgt. Hlavac and Lt. Rodriguez prior to their promotions.

Michele Cunko, former director of the city Civil Service Commission, said at the hearing that the chief had "an absolute right" to pass over any of the men for promotion. "We don't want police officers to think that this kind of behavior is rewarded with a promotion."


Rich Lord can be reached at rlord@post-gazette.com or 412-263-1542. Jonathan D. Silver can be reached at jsilver@post-gazette.com or 412-263-1962. )

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MTV True Life- I need Anger Management

Dear Daybreak Counseling Services,

My production company is working on an episode of MTV’s long-running documentary series “True Life.” This episode will follow three young people attempting to control their anger issues.

Our hope with this show, as with all our shows that deal with youth issues, is that it will inspire young people who need help to seek treatment.

We’re currently looking for men and women, ages 18 to 25, who are about to start an anger management program. We’d like to follow someone through a program and see how that person changes. We’re open to all types of stories in all areas of the country, but we’re most concerned with following someone who is about to start a program, rather than someone who has already been through a program.

If you know anyone who might fit our profile, please let me know. You can reach me via e-mail (craig@punchedinthehead.com) or phone (646-303-2508).

Many thanks,

Craig D’Entrone
Producer, MTV “True Life”
Punched in the Head Productions

http://www.mtv.com/thinkmtv/features/true_life/
http://www.punchedinthehead.com

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Pay attention to anger on job

Jun. 24, 2007 12:00 AM

Do you feel safe at work?

According to the National Crime Victimization Survey and the Bureau of Labor Statistics, nearly 2 million assaults and threats of violence against Americans at work occur annually. This includes 325,000 aggravated assaults, 36,500 rapes and sexual assaults, 70,100 robberies and 900 homicides. In addition to assaults and threats, a substantial number of employees report being bullied or harassed on the job.

Workplace violence costs employers billions of dollars in lost work time and wages, reduced productivity, medical costs, workers' compensation payments and legal and security expenses.

Providing training to recognize and address workplace violence should be a regular part of an employer's annual training regimen. An inappropriate-language tiff between employees can escalate to something much more serious if left unattended. Such behavior was reported at my company, MackayMitchell Envelope Co., so several months ago, management took time to review our offensive-behavior policy with all of our employees. We hired TEAM (Total Employee Assistance Management Inc.) and held several mandatory training classes.

I learned a lot about this issue, and while writing about such a topic is a real departure for me, I think this is especially important.

First off, what constitutes workplace violence? It includes name calling, yelling, angry remarks, obscene phone calls, vague or specific threats, throwing things, destroying property, shoving, stalking, hitting, stabbing, rape, suicide and murder.

Violence in the workplace can come from patients, students, customers and clients. Supervisors, managers and current or former employees can also commit it. In addition, violence can come from a spouse, child, neighbor or anyone who has a personal relationship with an employee.

A number of risk factors increase the likelihood of workplace violence, including a mishandled termination or disciplinary action; a grudge over a real or imaginary grievance; drug or alcohol use; bringing weapons to work or fascination with weapons; increasing belligerence; vague or specific threats; interest in recently publicized violent events; frequent outbursts of anger; and homicidal or suicidal comments or threats.

An employer has an obligation to provide a safe work environment. What can be done to decrease the likelihood and occurrence of workplace violence?


• Adopt a workplace-violence policy and prevention program.


• Communicate the policy to all employees and provide training sessions for all new and current employees and members of management.


• Adopt consistent and fair disciplinary procedures.


• Foster an environment of trust and respect among co-workers and between employees and management.


• When necessary, seek help from outside resources, such as law enforcement, employee-assistance groups and mental-health professionals.

Employees are often the first to notice potential problems with co-workers and should be encouraged to be active participants in keeping the workplace safe. What can employees do to help prevent workplace violence?


• Accept and adhere to your company's workplace-violence preventative policies and practices.


• Become aware of warning signs.


• Report any threatening and violent behaviors to management or human resources.

The instructor of our violence-in-the-workplace class shared this story with me about the "worry tree":

"I was in a session with a police officer and asked him how he dealt with all of the tragedy, death and inhuman behavior exhibited between people on the assorted police calls he makes.

"He told me that every night when he went home, he touched a tree before walking into his house. By touching the tree, he told himself, he was dumping all of the tragedy, stress, death and trauma on the tree. He then went into his home, took off his vest, locked his gun away and made the conscious choice to stop being a police officer and to start being a husband and dad.

"The next morning, he touched the tree on the way to his car to go to work and assumed all his worries. The amazing thing is, there aren't nearly as many as he hung up the night before. He told me that touching the tree allowed him to compartmentalize his life and prevented him from burning out."

The officer found a positive way to keep his anger and frustrations from turning into violent behavior. Help yourself and those around you to do the same.

Mackay's Moral: Control yourself: Remember, anger is just one letter short of danger.

Harvey Mackay is the author of The New York Times' No. 1 best-seller "Swim With the Sharks Without Being Eaten Alive." He can be reached through his Web site, www.harveymackay.com, by e-mailing harveymackay.com or by writing him at MackayMitchell Envelope Co, 2100 Elm St. SE, Minneapolis, MN 55414.