Sunday, March 25, 2007

Anger Management Part 3

By Anarchist Worldwide

Take a few minutes and think about your life. Are you happy, discontented or just getting by? I'm not talking about how you are feeling right now this minute or how you felt last night. I mean your chronic attidude where you spend most of your day and your life.

Do you wake up in the morning filled with eagerness and excitement about the coming day and what you will be doing? This is the highest level of living. Everyone could be living at this level if they were healthy enough. You spend most of your day in self directed activity.

Perhaps you have a strong interest in the things around you. You are curious and actively seek out information and life experience. You are one of the lucky people that is a walking question mark always wanting to know something new. This is not as intense and eagerness and excitement but it is not bad.

Maybe all you can show is a mild interest. You will listen or go along with others but won't bother to seek out new things on your own. In fact, you hang out with other people because they bring excitement into your life. You are not exactly passive but you are letting others do most of the work. This is the level most people fall into.

Maybe you are just content. Your life is not going so well but it's not going that bad either. You can tolerate things and don't want to rock the boat and make things worse. Can we dare call this settling for second best? You are not really in love any more but don't want to split up because of the kids? The passion might be gone but you still like each other.

We have all reached that I don't care any more stage where we are totally indifferent. We don't care what happens anymore. We used to but now we don't. This happens all the time to small areas of life but if that is how we feel most of the time it is a sign that something is not right and we should be working on getting better. This is a good time to see that counselor before things get worse.

Guess what? You didn't go to the shrink and now you are bored all the time. You are so bored that you can't stand it and might even create some crisis just to make life interesting. The human mind can not tolerate boredom for long periods of time. Crisis is at least exciting even if it is unpleasant and we do learn from our mistakes.

Can you express your frustration and resentment to anyone? Think about this very carefully because anything below this level is going to sink. This is the last chance to rescue your self and your life. By now you are doing self destructive things and making things worse instead of better. Guess what? You don't even care. Bitching and complaining seldom ever work to make things better but they are much more healthy than the alternative. As long as you can let it out there is hope.

If you can't you are left with anger. Anger is destructive in most cases and is telling you that there is something very wrong in your life and you are not dealing with it or able to deal with it. In most cases getting angry will make things worse instead of better. The thing is that if you are feeling anger you need to let those feeling of anger out and release the energe before it becomes toxic. It might not make you popular but it can save your sanity and maybe even your life. It's better than the alternative.

Unexpress resentment is below anger and is when you just simmer like a pot on the stove. Nothing good will come out of it. Being passive agressive never solved anything. Most if the time it is better to confront things head on than to keep pretending they don't exist. Nothing stays the same and things will either get better or they will get worse. The longer you simmer the worse things will get. The problem is you are caught in a situation and you can't find a way out. The only way out is to let things get so bad they will fall apart. When they do someone might get hurt. It doesn't need to be this way.

Why are you letting things get so bad? What is it that you are really afraid of? What can be worse than this? Fear is at the root of all anger and those things we fear will happen. You can't make someone do something or be somebody that is untrue to themselves. You can't pretend to be someone else and live a fulfilling life. This is when it becomes easier to lie than to tell the truth. Not only that but you will distort things and twist even good things into harmful things. That is what fear does. It causes irrational behaviors.

We all know right from wrong. We know if we are being true to ourselves or not. When we compromise ourselves a part of us dies. It is really that simple. When love dies or a part of who we are dies we grieve for the loss of something very important. Grief and loss go together and no matter who we are in life we will lose important people. People we love will die and we will need to carry on without them. Life goes on and this is the most bitter pill of all. Especially when it takes over our entire life and we can't get over it. When that happens there is only one thing left and that is to die too.

We refuse to eat or take care of ourselves. We quit work and try to commit suicide. We might even have a nervous breakdown and be institutionalized for awhile. We have used up any and all of our coping skills and there is nothing left. This is when we hit bottom and the only choice left is to die or decide to live. That is a choice only we can answer because it is not possible to help someone that does not want help.

Symbolical death and rebirth give us a new lease on life unless we get caught in the same traps that entangeld us before. Our anger can be a useful tool to keep us on the right track. It can give us will power and determination. "I will not die. I will not quit. I will not let this thing beat me down." These are some of the ways we can turn our anger to good use.

The Politics of Anger

WASHINGTON -- During the divisive War of 1812, a livid woman famous for her long hair rode to the White House, stood in her carriage, let down her tresses and proclaimed that she would gladly be shorn of them if they would be used to hang President James Madison. That anecdote, from Catherine Allgor's biography of Dolley Madison, shows that today's theatrical anger is not without precedent. But now there is a new style in anger -- fury as a fashion accessory, indignation as evidence of good character.

Under the headline "San Franciscans Hurl Their Rage at Parking Patrol," The New York Times recently described the verbal abuse and physical violence -- there were 28 attacks in 2006 -- inflicted on parking enforcement officers in a city that has a surplus of liberalism and a shortage of parking places. Parking is so difficult that George Anderson, a mental health expert, has stopped holding lectures there because his audiences arrive seething about their parking frustrations. Anderson represents the American Association of Anger Management Providers.

Of course. San Francisco, a showcase for expressive individualism, is full of people bristling with rights and eager to rebel against oppressive authority, but having a hard time finding any. The only rules concern parking.

No wonder Americans are infatuated with anger: It is democratic. Anyone can express it, and it is one of the seven deadly sins, which means it is a universal susceptibility. So in this age that is proud of having achieved "the repeal of reticence," anger exhibitionism is pandemic.

There are the tantrums -- sometimes both theatrical and perfunctory -- of talking heads on television or commentators writing in vitriol (Paul Krugman's incessant contempt, Ann Coulter's equally constant loathing). There is road rage (and parking lot rage when the Whole Foods Market parking lot is congested with expressive individualists driving Volvos and Priuses). The blogosphere often is, as one blogger joyfully says, "an electronic primal scream." And everywhere there is the histrionic fury of ordinary people venting in everyday conversations.

Many people who loathe George W. Bush have adopted what Peter Wood describes as "ecstatic anger as a mode of political action." Anger often is, Wood says, "a spectacle to be witnessed by an appreciative audience, not an attempt to win over the uncommitted."

Wood, an anthropologist and author of "A Bee in the Mouth: Anger in America Now," says the new anger "often has the look-at-me character of performance art." His book is a convincing, hence depressing, explanation of "anger chic" --of why anger has become an all-purpose emotional stance. It has achieved prestige and become "a credential for group membership." As a result, "Americans have been flattening their emotional range into an angry monotone."

Wood notes that there is a "vagueness and elasticity of the grievances" that supposedly justify today's almost exuberant anger. And anger is more pervasive than merely political grievances would explain. Today's anger is a coping device for everyday life. It also is the defining attribute of an increasingly common personality type -- the person who "unless he is angry, feels he is nothing at all."

That type, infatuated with anger, uses it to express identity. Anger as an expression of selfhood is its own vindication. Wood argues, however, that as anger becomes a gas polluting the social atmosphere, it becomes not a sign of personal uniqueness but of a herd impulse.

Once upon a time, Americans admired models of self-control, people such as George Washington and Jackie Robinson, who mastered their anger rather than relishing being mastered by it. America's fictional heroes could be angry, but theirs was a reluctant anger -- Alan Ladd as the gunfighter in "Shane," Gary Cooper as the marshal in "High Noon." Today, however, proclaimed anger -- the more vituperative the better -- is regarded as a sign of good character and emotional vitality.

Perhaps this should not be surprising, now that Americans are inclined to elect presidents who advertise their emotions -- "I feel your pain." As the late Mary McGrory wrote, Bill Clinton "is a child of his age; he believes more in the thrust-out lower lip than the stiff upper one."

The politics of disdain -- e.g., Howard Dean's judgment that Republicans are "brain dead" and "a lot of them never made an honest living in their lives" -- derails politics by defining opponents as beyond the reach of reason. The anger directed at Bush today, like that directed at Clinton during his presidency, luxuriates in its own vehemence.

Today, many people preen about their anger as a badge of authenticity: I snarl therefore I am. Such people make one's blood boil.

George F. Will, a 1976 Pulitzer Prize winner whose columns are syndicated in more than 400 magazines and newspapers worldwide, is the author of Men at Work: The Craft of Baseball

Thursday, March 22, 2007

Anger is a spirit

The Christian Church has a tendency to act in prejudice when echoing the clarion call against sin. We condemn sensational acts of disobedience such as fornication and adultery and drug abuse but overlook the more subtle infractions like lying and anger. When in fact the Bible declares the Devil is the father of lies and it was his wrath and jealousy against the most high that spurned a heavenly uprising.

Anger is a spirit and it operates unobstructed within the body of Christ. The narute of a spirit is that it is eternal. The Spirit of anger has coiled itself around the hearts of the people of God for eons. It passes from generation to generation infected the heart of man with its venom.

The spirit of anger can be discerned in families, nations and even certain hemispheres of the world.

We first see this spirit in Cain the son of Adam (Genesis 4-3-16) and we become more aware of its tactics in the life of Saul the first King of Israel. I Samuel tells the account wrestle match between Saul and the tenacious demonic force of evil

1 Samuel 16: 10-17

14 But the Spirit of the LORD departed from Saul, and an evil spirit from the LORD troubled F84 him. 15 And Saul's servants said unto him, Behold now, an evil spirit from God troubleth thee. 16 Let our lord now command thy servants, which are before thee, to seek out a man, who is a cunning player on an harp: and it shall come to pass, when the evil spirit from God is upon thee, that he shall play with his hand, and thou shalt be well. 17 And Saul said unto his servants, Provide me now a man that can play well, and bring him to me.

1 Samuel 18:10-11

10 And it came to pass on the morrow, that the evil spirit from God came upon Saul, and he prophesied in the midst of the house: and David played with his hand, as at other times: and there was a javelin in Saul's hand. 11 And Saul cast the javelin; for he said, I will smite David even to the wall with it. And David avoided out of his presence twice.

As an owner of several anger management education centers I am often limited to traditional secular approaches when teaching anger management classes. Such approaches have their value, but when waging spiritual warfare we must war in the Spirit. The Bible declares that we do not wrestle with flesh and blood but against the evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against those mighty powers of darkness who rule this world, and against wicked spirits in the heavenly realms.

Shannon Munford is the owner of Daybreak Counseling Service an anger management education center in Los Angeles, California

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Can Court Orders Stop Celebrity Rage

ABC News

March 20, 2007 — Psychologists agree: Show business is a high stress job, one that greatly reduces a person's ability to manage small irritations.

Now, as a number of showbiz headliners experience public temper tantrums, some are taking anger management classes to get a handle on their emotions and avoid legal consequences.

For big time stars, fighting with invasive paparazzi is one thing — in certain situations it could even be considered self-defense. But attacking the general public when things aren't going your way is quite another.

This week, British supermodel Naomi Campbell is doing community service coupled with two days of anger management classes in New York to avoid trial on a second-degree felony assault charge.

Campbell risked deportation after she threw a jewel-encrusted Nokia cell phone at her maid's head; the maid was hospitalized. If her charge had gone to trial, she would have faced a sentence of up to seven years in prison.

Breenzy Fernandez, the director of the one-day anger management program run throughout the New York metropolitan area by Education & Assistance Corporation (EAC), says that it promotes responsible behavior in individuals arrested for crimes precipitated by anger.

"It is used as a sentencing alternative by the courts," she said, "and offers intervention with individuals who have responded with excessive aggression resulting in conflict-related offenses."

Over the last three months, rappers Foxy Brown and Busta Rhymes and TV stars Isaiah Washington ("Grey's Anatomy") and Jason Wahler (MTV's "The Hills" and "Laguna Beach: The Real Orange County") have all been ordered to attend anger management classes for terms ranging from two days to six months as an alternative to serving time behind bars.

Group-Structured Social Work

Fernandez would not confirm whether Campbell was taking the EAC's anger management course, but she did say that what happened in her program was probably similar to what the supermodel was experiencing.

The day begins at 9 a.m. with a group of 20 to 25 offenders along with a teacher and a social worker. Class members might be attending for anything from road rage to reckless behavior that involves an assault, Fernandez said.

"The group setting gives people the opportunity to discuss feelings and emotions. And the teacher and social worker ask the group questions that help them to work out how they could have addressed the situation in a different way," she said.

Psychologist Ari Novick, who runs the AJ Novick Group, has co-authored one of the most widely used curriculums for anger management programs in the country. He says that while the term "anger management" was coined in 1976, the field has really grown over the last five years.

Novick currently sees between 300 to 400 offenders sent to him by the courts.

Campbell Has Taken Classes Before, but Do They Work?

Of course, this isn't the first time Campbell has taken anger management classes — in 1998, she pleaded guilty in Toronto to assaulting another employee.

During an interview with Barbara Walters in June 2000, Campbell broke down and confessed: "Anger is a manifestation of a deeper issue. … And that, for me, is based on insecurity, self-esteem and loneliness. … I was really unhappy. I realized I was going to lose the people who really loved me if I didn't find out what was making me do the things I did."

Despite taking anger management courses at a rehab clinic in Arizona after the 1998 offense, she has repeatedly been accused of abusing other hired help.

Her alleged inability to harness her emotions raises the question that perennially faces that industry: Does anger management work?

"While small-scale studies and anecdotal reports show the programs have helped some people cope with stress, I haven't seen any studies that show anger management programs prevent crime," said Pamela S. Hollenhorst, associate director at the Institute for Legal Studies at the University of Wisconsin Law School. "Sending people to these programs as an alternative to jail does avoid additional jail crowding, so the programs work in the sense they avoid consuming scarce resources that could be used for more serious criminals."

But Novick believes the duration of the court-mandated classes is part of the problem, saying that just two days of anger management is "absurd."

"While there are still no conclusive studies to show that anger management works in the long term, we do know that a cognitive behavior approach has positive results," he said.

When it comes to determining how much anger management fits the crime, the responsibility rests with the judge.

"There are no state laws or federal laws governing anger management," Novick said. "That's why there's a discrepancy between the amount of time people should spend in a program."

So how much time should it take to let go of anger?

"It's really hard to absorb anything in two days, let alone something that should take eight to 10 weeks," Novick said. "Anger management programs are not psychotherapy, they're educational. They rely on participants learning a skill, practicing it in their lives and then returning the next week to discuss it. A good program should provide skills for stress management, empathy, assertiveness, forgiveness and better judgment. It should also address how better to manage expectations and self-talk."

Monday, March 19, 2007

Is your anger brining you down

Lindsay Ferguson, LMFT, CAMF

There are many consequences of expressing anger. When anger is a problem, the signals are usually as follows: it lasts too long, it is too intense, it happens too frequently, it leads to aggression, and/or it destroys work or personal relationships. On the positive side, anger provides a signal that change is needed and, when expressed and dealt with appropriately, can lead to assertive communication of unmet needs.

At Marin Anger Management Services I see people courageously facing their anger issues when various anger episodes arise.

After being cut-off in traffic, a client followed the car to their home, and verbally aggressed, and destroyed property belonging to the driver.

A woman called to seek anger management for herself and her fiancée stating that she could not marry him or have his children until his anger issues were dealt with.

A woman called seeking help due to an altercation involving a friend of 25 years, in the parking lot of a shopping center. The police intervened and she could not control herself, was arrested and mandated to anger management.

A man sought help with his anger issues at the request of his wife of 30 years, stating that she would not take his anger episodes any longer.

An elderly couple, recently married, is working on a solution to escalating, heating arguments that end in hurt feelings and silence that lasts for days before resolution.

Whether court ordered or self- referred, people are becoming more willing to address and deal with anger motivated acts of aggression towards each other in the advent of available Anger Management Services. The Anderson and Anderson model, as taught by George Anderson, begins the process by administering an assessment to determine strengths and limitations in the areas of anger management, stress management, emotional intelligence, and communication. This model teaches a set of skills designed for recognition and transformation of the anger episode. The Anderson methodology is incorporated into a rich format conducive to the effective delivery of the skills necessary to identify, process, and change maladaptive patterns of expressing anger.

When anger is triggered, here are seven steps to anger control,
1. Identify your upsetting feelings.
2. Identify the upsetting thoughts making you angry. What upsetting things are you telling yourself?
3. Counteract your upsetting thoughts with positive self-messages.
4. Clarify the situation for yourself. What is really going on in the situation?
5. Set a realistic goal in regard to the problem. Find an alternative solution to change the situation.
6. List the constructive options that are realistic and possible to resolve the issue and reach your goal.
7. Choose a constructive option to reach your goal and act on it.

Lindsay Ferguson, LMFT, located in San Rafael, California, is currently developing anger management services in the San Francisco Bay Area of Northern California. He uses the Anderson and Anderson Model and sees individuals, groups, couples, and executives.

You can reach him by calling 415-258-4515 or visit his web site at:

--- Mr. Ferguson is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and a Certified Anger Management Facilitator. He received his graduate and post graduate training from the Dominican University of California in Counseling Psychology.

Posted by Shannon Munford

Doctor arrested for Abuse

SAN ANDREAS — Dr. Gary Johnson, a family practice physician in San Andreas, was booked into the Calaveras County Jail on Thursday on suspicion of inflicting corporal punishment on a child.

The Calaveras County Sheriff’s Department reported that deputies were called last Sunday to a fight in Johnson’s home on Willow Creek Road in San Andreas.

Deputies reported that Johnson had struck a 13-year-old child. The officers said they also learned that Johnson some months earlier had used his hands to choke the same child.

After further investigation, officers said they determined that there was a “history of physical abuse in the home.” A warrant was issued and Johnson, 60, was arrested Thursday.

Learning Healthy Anger Mangement Stratergies

When treating or dealing with anger issues, there are many suggestions for anger management strategies. Each of them is intended to help people who are hot-tempered and frequently have fits of rage. Anger, although a healthy and normal response to upsetting situations, it can be intense to the point of violence. When a person experiences regular episodes of angry or reckless behavior, there's a problem, one that needs to be dealt with. Anger management strategies are designed to help an individual return to a healthy, normal existence.

Taking a time-out is considered a healthy management strategy. Removing oneself from a situation or person that makes a person angry is practicing time-out. This anger management strategy might simply require a ride in the car or a walk on the beach. Playing sports or working out will help an individual to use up some of the extra energy without involving others. Some other suggestions for time-out are reading, listening to music or sitting alone in silence. Each of these activities are healthy anger management strategies.

A second example of a healthy anger management strategy is, owning up to the anger. Although the anger is usually brought on by an irritating situation or a confrontation with another individual, the anger actually belongs to the troubled person. Only the person who's experiencing the anger issues can control their outbursts. Only the person with the anger issues can learn anger management strategies and how to deal with their feelings in a healthy way. When an individual becomes mad or upset they need to try to disclose the reasons for their anger whether it is hurt, fear, frustration sadness, confusion , jealousy or whatever seems to bring unleash the rage.

Another healthy anger management strategy is to look back on those situations that upset an individual and try to find ways to make changes. Learning the cause of the anger may help the individual to avoid those situations. Not only might the person learn to avoid these incidents but they might also choose to take what they've learned and attempt to deal with the situation without bursting into a frenzy.

A fourth suggestion regarding healthy management strategies is to confront the situation or person. Talk to the person or people involved, calmly of course, to try to determine the root of the problem. The angry individual might actually discover that the whole thing was a mix-up, a misunderstanding. The individual might also try asking the person or people in the situation to think about their behavior and perhaps even change it. It may be surprising what people would be willing to do to help the person who is attempting to deal with their problems with anger. Hopefully everything will work out for the best. If not there has to be room for acceptance. Sometimes a person must simply accept the situations and people they cannot change and either deal with it or walk away.

Learning healthy anger management strategies should be considered by those with anger problems. There are many books published regarding anger and anger management. There is also a wealth of information available on the Internet for those who are attempting to deal with their anger by learning healthy anger management strategies.

Is Anger Good or Bad

Anger is:

Guilt is anger turned inward toward the self.
Fear is the root of anger. Fear is responsible for hatred, anger, possessiveness, anxiety, greed, inhibition, stress, frustration, hang-ups, phobias and insecurities.
Anger is a universal, basic, normal, unavoidable reaction to displeasure.
It usually involves some misunderstanding or unmet expectation.
Anger is an internally generated physical energy force which we can use of fail to use as we choose. We can harness it through the martial arts, will power and determination.


Anger is a physical energy force that needs to be dissipated or released.
It is related to the emotions of fear, hurt and pain.
We experience anger when we feel an expectation is not being met.
Our anger responses are learned and programmed into us.
We can learn better ways to express anger.

Dealing with the anger of others:

We can help others release their anger by not arguing back.
Do not defend, justify, contradict, interupt or rationalize until the energy is used up.
Send empathetic, understanding messages to the other before, during and after the outburst.
Try to become "calmer" and don't get "hooked" into the anger and get angry yourself.
Realize they were angry before you came on the scene. Don't take it personally.

Dealing with your own anger:

Realize you have an unmet expectation. Is our expectation realistic?
Acknowledge your anger, express it fully and then release the anger in a safe manner.
Give yourself a break.
Anger is normal and healthy. It is telling you that something is wrong.
You can't change anger if you don't recognize it.
If you are angry you attract anger from others.
What you resist you become.

Releasing anger:

Anger can be released through physical exertions, verbalizing or mentally reprogramming yourself.


Experience your anger completely.
What you are repelled by in others you will find in yourself.
Encourage and respect anger expressions as signs that something is wrong.
Anger is linked to self-esteem and self-hate. It is basic to mental health.
We can reduce anger when we stop trying to change other people.
Whoever can make me mad can control me.
Avoid using the word "should".
Those unable to be angry, or afraid to be angry, are often unable to love.
They are not confident of their own love or the love of the other person.
Those who have no anger are not human.
Coping with anger gets easier with practice and improves relationships.

Lori Prokop Teaches the Secret to Overcoming Fear and Anger Quickly

Most people, especially women, have been taught is it bad or weak to have needs. Lori Prokop say ignoring wants and needs, as we have been trained, always backfires.

Minneapolis, MN, March 18, 2007 --(PR.COM)-- During anger management workshops, featuring expert Lori Prokop as speaker, attendees are taught every living being has needs, wants and desires. Without these, it would be like holding your breath, or repressing your heart beat and still expecting to live a full, happy and healthy life.

“Every human has needs, all the time,” Lori Prokop says. “We all have the exact same needs. Every need you have, the people you see as enemies or “wrong” also have. We all need respect, safety, nourishment, harmony, connection and love just to name a few.”

Lori Prokop reveals what few people know about anger.

“Anger,” Lori Prokop says, “is a sign that ‘blame thinking’ is going on in your head and that you have unmet needs.”

Pay attention to these unmet needs, Lori Prokop teaches.

If your problem is another not listening to you, ask yourself what emotions you feel, advises Lori Prokop.

You may feel anxious, sad, rage, frustration or confusion. Or, depending on the situation, Lori Prokop says, you might be happy the person is ignoring you.

If you were speeding in your car and drove by a police officer, you might be happy if he ignored you, Lori Prokop continues.

“So, being ignored is not always something that triggers anger or blame,” Lori Prokop summarizes. “It is how you think about the situation that triggers anger or blame.”

About Lori Prokop: Lori Prokop is affectionately called the “mother of inspiration” and is one of the most respected people in the field of self-empowerment. Lori Prokop has devoted her life to the study of human behavior and personal motivation. The remarkable combination of her caring style and the powerful systems Lori Prokop has developed quickly transform people and companies from good to great!