By Anarchist Worldwide
Take a few minutes and think about your life. Are you happy, discontented or just getting by? I'm not talking about how you are feeling right now this minute or how you felt last night. I mean your chronic attidude where you spend most of your day and your life.
Do you wake up in the morning filled with eagerness and excitement about the coming day and what you will be doing? This is the highest level of living. Everyone could be living at this level if they were healthy enough. You spend most of your day in self directed activity.
Perhaps you have a strong interest in the things around you. You are curious and actively seek out information and life experience. You are one of the lucky people that is a walking question mark always wanting to know something new. This is not as intense and eagerness and excitement but it is not bad.
Maybe all you can show is a mild interest. You will listen or go along with others but won't bother to seek out new things on your own. In fact, you hang out with other people because they bring excitement into your life. You are not exactly passive but you are letting others do most of the work. This is the level most people fall into.
Maybe you are just content. Your life is not going so well but it's not going that bad either. You can tolerate things and don't want to rock the boat and make things worse. Can we dare call this settling for second best? You are not really in love any more but don't want to split up because of the kids? The passion might be gone but you still like each other.
We have all reached that I don't care any more stage where we are totally indifferent. We don't care what happens anymore. We used to but now we don't. This happens all the time to small areas of life but if that is how we feel most of the time it is a sign that something is not right and we should be working on getting better. This is a good time to see that counselor before things get worse.
Guess what? You didn't go to the shrink and now you are bored all the time. You are so bored that you can't stand it and might even create some crisis just to make life interesting. The human mind can not tolerate boredom for long periods of time. Crisis is at least exciting even if it is unpleasant and we do learn from our mistakes.
Can you express your frustration and resentment to anyone? Think about this very carefully because anything below this level is going to sink. This is the last chance to rescue your self and your life. By now you are doing self destructive things and making things worse instead of better. Guess what? You don't even care. Bitching and complaining seldom ever work to make things better but they are much more healthy than the alternative. As long as you can let it out there is hope.
If you can't you are left with anger. Anger is destructive in most cases and is telling you that there is something very wrong in your life and you are not dealing with it or able to deal with it. In most cases getting angry will make things worse instead of better. The thing is that if you are feeling anger you need to let those feeling of anger out and release the energe before it becomes toxic. It might not make you popular but it can save your sanity and maybe even your life. It's better than the alternative.
Unexpress resentment is below anger and is when you just simmer like a pot on the stove. Nothing good will come out of it. Being passive agressive never solved anything. Most if the time it is better to confront things head on than to keep pretending they don't exist. Nothing stays the same and things will either get better or they will get worse. The longer you simmer the worse things will get. The problem is you are caught in a situation and you can't find a way out. The only way out is to let things get so bad they will fall apart. When they do someone might get hurt. It doesn't need to be this way.
Why are you letting things get so bad? What is it that you are really afraid of? What can be worse than this? Fear is at the root of all anger and those things we fear will happen. You can't make someone do something or be somebody that is untrue to themselves. You can't pretend to be someone else and live a fulfilling life. This is when it becomes easier to lie than to tell the truth. Not only that but you will distort things and twist even good things into harmful things. That is what fear does. It causes irrational behaviors.
We all know right from wrong. We know if we are being true to ourselves or not. When we compromise ourselves a part of us dies. It is really that simple. When love dies or a part of who we are dies we grieve for the loss of something very important. Grief and loss go together and no matter who we are in life we will lose important people. People we love will die and we will need to carry on without them. Life goes on and this is the most bitter pill of all. Especially when it takes over our entire life and we can't get over it. When that happens there is only one thing left and that is to die too.
We refuse to eat or take care of ourselves. We quit work and try to commit suicide. We might even have a nervous breakdown and be institutionalized for awhile. We have used up any and all of our coping skills and there is nothing left. This is when we hit bottom and the only choice left is to die or decide to live. That is a choice only we can answer because it is not possible to help someone that does not want help.
Symbolical death and rebirth give us a new lease on life unless we get caught in the same traps that entangeld us before. Our anger can be a useful tool to keep us on the right track. It can give us will power and determination. "I will not die. I will not quit. I will not let this thing beat me down." These are some of the ways we can turn our anger to good use.