Dr. Tony Fiore-The Anger Coach
In a recent letter to “Dear Abby,” a distraught woman wrote that her Asian husband recently lost a great deal of money in the stock market resulting in “…the negativity in our house is so bad that even our kids don’t want to be in the same room as their father. I have considered divorce, but it’s not easily accepted in my culture, and I am afraid of being on my own.”
Continuing, she says ….”I have tried everything — offering to help him, be there for him, trying to appease him, giving him his space, etc. There is no relationship left.”
“…He was always arrogant, difficult to get along with and had a temper — but now it has gone from bad to worse. I don’t know what to do anymore.”
This sad letter illustates several things that we have often heard from our anger management clients:
1. The emotional cost of anger is high, especially in terms of how it affects the children and partners. The angry sullen person often sets the “emotional tone” of the house which affects all family members. Loss of affection and/or alienation of children is difficult to recover from.
2. The angry person must decide to change himself/herself. There are many resources of anger management that would help, including therapy, medication (for some cases), and anger management classes, but they usually only work when the angry person is motivated to change.
Anger management is a self-improvement process. Those who benefit the most recognize the damage their anger is doing to themselves and people they love, and want to do something about it!
Daybreak Counseling Service