Building Fences- Establishing Healthy Boundaries for good Anger Management

Having healthy boundaries is a vital part of emotional intelligence. We all have the need to know where we leave off and another person begins. If we don’t create boundaries we are susceptible to the manipulation of others. We are more prone to allow others to use or abuse us.


Physical Boundaries

• It is our responsibility to create boundaries and then to enforce them. Our boundary might be physical:

• You cannot touch me.

• Do not go through my things.

• What is on my cell phone is my business.


Emotional Boundaries

• You boundary may be emotional.

• I have a right to keep certain thoughts or feelings to myself.

• You cannot dump your negativity on me.

• I will say no if I need to.

It is when we create a personal boundary and then allow others to cross it that we become angry – usually angry at ourselves. Why do we do this? Many reasons. We want to appear “nice” or we might be afraid of the other person. Maybe we have low self-esteem and don’t feel worthy of having boundaries. Perhaps we have never been taught that we have a right to our thoughts and feelings and behaviors regardless of what others want or need.
Those with no boundaries tend to “people please”. They do what others want and betray their own needs. They lose self-respect and become angry at themselves (but usually are not aware of this).

The people in our lives are simply behaving in a manner in which they can get their needs met. Our response is our choice and only becomes a problem when we put the needs of others first. It is responsible and healthy to honor our own needs. There are those who will try to manipulate us by calling us “selfish” or using the ubiquitous phrases “But I thought you loved me” or “If you were a good friend, you would…..”.

We must stay strong and act in our best interest in spite of the needs of others. It isn’t easy being honest sometimes, but is always healthy to enforce our boundaries and not allow others to weaken our resolve. Healthy boundaries are a hallmark of emotional intelligence. Anger Management Classes help clients learn how to set healthy boundaries and how to sustain them.

Daybreak Counseling Service
310-995-1202

www.daybreakservices.com
twitter.com/angryinla

Court Approved Anger Management Class

Daybreak Counseling Service has been providing anger management classes in Los Angeles County for the past 8 years. Now the company is nationally known due to a variety of television appearances by it CEO, anger management expert Shannon Munford.

For the last 3 years Daybreak Counseling Service has embraced the Century Anger Management Curriculum.

The Century Anger Management Curriculum utilizes the 8 Tools of Anger Management to teach clients evidence based stratergies to manage anger.

The Century Anger Management curriculum "Anger Management in the Twenty First Century" has been updated and revised for 2011

The Corrections Standards Authority (California State Board of Corrections) will be renewing Century Anger Management for the 6th straight year as a Corrections provider for the state of California.
Several public schools have adopted the Century Anger Management curriculum for use with their students, including Turlock Unified School District in California, the Berlin School District in Wisconsin, and the Owasso Public schools in Oklahoma.

Daybreak Counseling Service continues to be a favorite anger management class referral for the Los Angeles County Superior Court, Los Angeles County Department of Children and Family Services as well as Public Defenders and Criminal Defense Attorneys through out Orange County and Los Angeles County.

For more information visit www.daybreaksevices.com or call 310-995-1202

An Open Letter to Daybreak Counseling Service Anger Management Service Providers

I wanted to take the time to let you know I am thankful for the services you provide at Daybreak Counseling Service. Your knowledge, compassion and commitment have made it possible for us to meet the needs of over 500 registered clients this year. As you know, when we are able to help one person manage his or her anger, we are changing the lives of everyone who comes in contact with that person. If we could look beyond the veil of “what ifs” and “could haves”, I think we would see that our efforts have prevented countless broken relationships, child abuse cases and possibly even death.

Your creativity and personality have kept clients coming back week after week. This is a remarkable accomplishment considering the economic times we live in.

I appreciate your patience in working with me, an imperfect CEO. Daybreak has experienced significant changes throughout 2010 and I value your flexibility during this time of necessary growth and expansion.

After nine years of business, Daybreak has contracted the services of its first General Manager. Elson Mills has been instrumental in launching our web-based data system, establishing debit/credit machines in Gardena and Pasadena offices and initiating a more efficient monetary tracking system. More changes are still to come for Daybreak and he will be taking the lead in the expansion efforts. There will be more information to come during the first quarter of 2011.

I have also welcomed Dee, who is a recent addition to our administrative team. As Administrator, she has many years of experience and has been instrumental in the area of creating and sending progress reports and handling office supply inventory.

As we close 2010, Daybreak has had quite successful year: (1) adding classes in the Santa Monica and Gardena offices; (2) establishing the first Orange County office in the city of Yorba Linda; (3) as CEO, having the opportunity to share my thoughts on anger management on MSNBC’s Dylan Ratigan Show and E! Entertainment Network News. I am also looking forward to other consulting opportunities for news, talk and reality programs in the near future.

It is my hope that you find your work as rewarding as I do. I welcome your feedback, ideas and suggestions and look forward to a prosperous and fulfilling 2011.


Sincerely,

Shannon Munford, MS
CEO/ President, Daybreak Counseling Service
www.daybreakservices.com
twitter.com/angryinla
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Act in your own best interest

There are many situations in which we can find ourselves conflicted over how to behave. This is especially true when a person, place or thing has made us angry.” Responding” instead of “Reacting” is always in our own best interest. Our choice of behavior is often dictated by the specific situation or environment we are in.

As our many clients learn, we always chose our actions. Many claim their behavior is the result of another person’s words or actions. They blame others. “If he hadn’t yelled at me, I wouldn’t have thrown his cell phone”. “If you were married to my wife, you’d drink too”. Blaming others is irresponsible and it prevents change and growth. We give our personal power away when we claim that another person is responsible for our words and actions.

We have the freedom and power to decide how we will respond in any situation. Regardless of how unfairly or badly we think we are being treated, it is our “choice” how we respond.

Responding in the right way at the right time with the right person in the right situation takes “emotional intelligence”, a topic largely discussed in Anger Management Classes. It is the ability to perceive, control and evaluate emotions.

Our behavior choices differ according to the setting we find ourselves in. Exploding with anger at our boss is definitely not in our best interest. Neither is being so stressed out that we verbally abuse our children. Our personal relationships call for different behavior than our public or professional life.


This is why having emotional intelligence is so important. In each area of our lives, we need to know what we are feeling and then be able to control our feelings. Like the many stories we hear in our classes, an angry outburst or an instant “reaction” can cost a relationship, a job, your freedom or even a life.

For most people these are costs that are too high to pay. Fortunately, we can learn new ways of thinking and processing our emotions so that we don’t allow our anger to hurt ourselves or others – and this is always in our own best interest.

Daybreak clients are grateful when they recognize the past consequences of their anger and are able to change. They report better relationships, more self esteem and less problems in all areas of their lives.

Daybreak Counseling Service
www.daybreakservices.com
twitter.com/angryinla
www.youtube.com/user/angryinla
Find us on FACEBOOK
310-995-1202